"kookie," he called, his magnificent voice lulling me as i felt him pull me closer to his chest. my whimpers became louder and louder as i sobbed in his chest, missing the warmth he once had brought me before all shits broke loose.
"h-hyung," i croaked, my voice breaking as finally, i found the courage to snake my hands to his waist and pull him close, ignoring the piercing pain on my abdomen. i just want him close.
"y-you're dying..." i stated. "is that it?" i pulled away to meet his eyes. his eyes were wide as if he didn't thought i'd day those words so directly.
he shook his head. "n-no, kookie. no." he immediately interjects, reaching to pull me back. "i'm not going anywhere— not anymore, baby." he whispers.
"t-then fucking why, hyung?!" i found myself wailing, pushing his hand away from me as started throwing weak punches towards him. my heart hurt. it feels like shattering into pieces. "why'd you leave me, hyung? i thought i was special— we were best frien—"
"you were anything but a best friend to me, kookie." he cuts off, making me froze as i stared wide-eyed at him. i could feel a steering pain in my chest. did i really mean nothing to him at all?
"w-what?"
"you were never my best frie—" i found myself slapping the shit out of him, tilting his head to the side. my breathing ragged as i stared at him horrified. my heart being ripped into tiny milliong pieces. "would you please just liste—"
"i was never your best friend?" i ask in disbelief, pulling him by his hospital gown's collar. "was i just a nobody to you?" my voice broke as more tears cascaded down from my eyes. "so that's why you left? to get the fucking hell away from me, right? right, jimin?"
"no!" he yelled, his eyes showing nothing but panic and pain as he reached to cup my face, but i slapped his hand away. "baby, you got it all wro—"
"get the hell away from me," i spat, looking away. "you disgust me, jimin." and the next thing i know, i was being pulled by the back of my neck, and my lips invaded by no other than park jimin.
i squirmed away from him, but he had a strong grip on me, pulling me closer as he tries his best to deepen the kiss. tears rolled down my cheeks, slowly losing myself under the blissful feeling of his lips. i hate this. i hate how fast i could melt under his touch and his contagious kisses. but i love it all at the same time.
he pulled away afterwards, his face still a few inches closer before he breathed the words that i have long been waiting for to hear, "you were never my best friend jungkook." he whispered, his grip tightening like he was afraid i'd slip away. the words pierced through my soul like a blade seeping through my skin. it hurt, so much. "you were never my bestfriend, kookie. simply because you were more than that. i am in love with you jungkook. you mean everything to me, baby. don't ever think less of your worth in my heart."
the way he said those words were full of sincerity. but a small part deep within me coiled with grief. of he really did love me, why did he leave me? if i really meant everything like how he claimed me to be, why the fuck would he leave me?
"t-then why, hyung?" i sniffed, closing my eyes as i felt him pull me back closer to his chest. "i deserve an acceptable reason, hyung. you can't just leave without saying goodbye and come back like it was all nothing, like you didn't just broke me in half— like i was nothing. you can't just leave and make a fool out of me, then come back and tell me you love me. that's just unfair, hyung. please, don't be like this."
i felt him heaved a sigh, his chest arising before i felt him lean his head to rest on mine. "i can't promise to give you an acceptable reason, kookie. but i want you to listen carefully, okay?" i could only nod, too weak and broken to even utter a word.
i heard him sigh for the second time, feeling soft peck on the crown of my head before he pulled me close to his chest. "you know about my abusive father, right?" he started, earning a small nod from me. "well, that was another thing–" he whispers, his voice coming close to a whisper, sounding almost like he's this close to crying.
"well, i never really knew why he was beating the shit out of me every other night. i thought it was because i'm gay and he's just homophobic, and maybe disappointed that his only son, and only child, is gay." jimin held me close, burrying his face in the crook my neck. i could hear him slightly sniffing, like he didn't me to hear him cry at all. my heart broke. jimin— he's always like this. always trying to act tough and strong when he's the complete opposite of it.
"you can cry, hyung." i mumbled, earning a chuckle from him as he pulls away, giving me a clear view of his now glossy eyes.
"anyways, like i said, i never really knew why he does what he does." he cleared his throat, wiping his tears before he coughed. "— but turns out, my mother once cheated on my father with his best friend. and guess what? i am her illegitimate child." he follows, disbelief written in his face as he says the last part. "– and here i thought my father's just an asshole. turns out, he's just broken, lost and betrayed."
"h-hyun—"
"everyday i have to wake up, wondering who i really am." he mumbles, tears cascading down his cheeks as his breathing started to rag. "i don't know what's real anymore, kookie. it just sucks to know that everything i believed in are all lies. i couldn't even tell which is real anymore. everything just seems so dark."
it hurt. seeing him hurting hurts. and the fact that i didn't even have a single clue of what he was feeling. jimin was right. i was never his best friend. because if i really was, i should've known. i should've seen it in his very eyes how broken he was. but instead, i let myself be fooled with his smile. he was broken, yet he smiled, and the worst part was, i believed him.
"i know it sounds stupid, but i needed to find myself, kookie." jimin cupped my cheeks, wiping the tears that now had fallen. "i never meant to hurt you, baby, trust me. i'm just lost, hurt and maybe a little selfish. but i needed to fix myself, kookie."
"h-hyung i'll help you find yourself, just don't shut me out again. it was hell without you, jimin. it felt like i was being ripped away from my heart. it was like the end of the world. i missed you so much, hyung. i don't think i could let you go the second time around," i pleaded, tears pooling in the corners of my eyes as it blurs my vision. "– so i'm begging you, hyung. stay with me, please. no more running away. please stay with me. i love you, hyung. so much. please promise me you'll stay. hyung, promise me please."
"i can't, kookie." he shook his head, "this place has caused me too much pain. i can't take it here any longer."
"— then i'll come with you, hyung!" i found myself wailing. "i'll do whatever it takes just to be with you. just don't leave me, jimin. i can't take another day without you by my side."
"i can't right now, kookie." jimin caresses my cheeks.
"hyung—"
"i'll come back for you," he cut me off. "when the time is right, i'll come back for you. i promise." and that was the last thing i heard before i felt his soft lips pressed against mine.
the kiss was sloppy, with tears slipping down from both our eyes. but it was blissful. it felt perfect. he sealed his promise with a kiss, his lips speaking for him as he pulls me closer, putting the words, his mouth could never find courage to speak, into the kiss.
"you'll come back?" i said in between pants when we pulled away to catch out breaths.
he only nodded at me, pecked the tip of my nose before smiling, his beautiful eyes forming into shaped of crescents, making a wonderful picture of a masterpiece as he pecked my lips one last time. "i promise." he reassured. "i love you kookie." he mutters.
"y-you don't know how much i've waited to hear that, hyung." i mumbled, earning a chuckle from him.
"i'll come back, baby. i promise. i love you."
and with that, he left.
