I DON'T KNOW

Sophomore Year + Kushie the Fish

I started my Sophomore year of high school in August, for those of you who don't live within the USA in case you didn't know, a sophomore is the year when kids turn 15-16. I think it's Eleventh year in the UK, correct me if I'm wrong. 

So for me, being the huge nerd I am, decided to take the hardest class in the school, which is AICE Modern World History. I'm in the Cambridge Programme, may I just say, Great Britain why on EARTH DO YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT FRANCE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. WHY. I just had to do (and I wish I was exaggerating) SIXTY PAGES OF HOMEWORK ON RUSSIAN HISTORY. Don't get me wrong, I adore history and love learning in depth, but the Cambridge Exam is notorious for being damn difficult. Two essays in 45 minutes about a random era in history. Which means, I have to learn all of it so I can handle whichever two questions they throw at me. And it doesn't help that Cambridge graders are also infamous for being more nitpick-y with American students than any other country. My teacher is interesting, he's thirty and an intellectual snob. His own words, not my own by the way. But he does understand the plight of students, which is appreciated. Luckily, I selected easy classes for everything else. 

     Except, my Geometry teacher doesn't speak good english, and loves making creepy jokes about how he's from North Korea. I wish there was a face palm emoji for wattpad. I really, really do. So that class is increasingly difficult. Hey, I'm good at Algebra and Statistics, which really are the only things I'll need for my future career. 

I'm doing well in AICE, though, which makes me happy. 

So I also do a lot of extracurriculars, Debate Club, Academic Team, Dance Team, and Drama Club . So it takes up a lot of time. 

Unfortunately, I've also had my fair share of familial troubles. Which I'm not permitted to share, nor would I really think it a could idea to blab on the internet. So I've been under a lot of stress, sometimes it feels like I can't catch a break. But I know I'll be ok. 

One last thing; so I've had a wonderful friend since I was six, we'll call him Sam, and he's two years older than me and a senior. He's had a crush on me for two years, and we figured we'd give it a shot at dating. He was a fantastic gentleman, wowed my father, always treated me like a Queen. Which you all deserve, and if there are any boys reading this; you deserve to be treated like a King, too. But he's a swimmer. Now, this isn't generally a problem, that's a tough sport and it deserves a lot of credit.  However, he went to State Championships, and I saw a lot of very promiscuous snap chat stories that any person on the Swim Team I talk to gets very red in the face and nervous when I ask about them. I trusted him, and clearly that was a mistake. I didn't see him doing anything questionable and I don't see the need to monitor him, he's good guy. But we're very different in our mental game. He's still a child, and I never had the luxury of being one. So he was gravely sick when he came back to school on tuesday, nearly passed out in class. He's sick for three days. I constantly try to remind him to take care of himself because he over trains so much, and as a future Doctor, I worry. He comes back on Thursday and promptly breaks up with me. 

He started it off with "You deserve better than me." 

Then, "I think we're better as friends." (not true because he loved to kiss me) 

Finally, "When I go to college, I'm scared that I'll get drunk and cheat on you and it'll hurt you." 

Now that sounds like a load of bull to me, because I firmly believe that you choose who you are and nothing predestines you for anything else. And one: In the US, drinking is illegal until 21. And secondly: If I meant that much to him, he wouldn't even think of cheating as a possibility. 

But, it happened, and I asked what had happened at States because he doesn't just randomly say this (he wanted to take me to Prom, actually) and he looks hurt and asks what I think he did. 

Do I need to spell it out? 

Obviously he did something. I was hurt because I deserve more than lies, which was all he gave me. But we agreed to remain friends, because we'd been together so long. After 5 months of happiness an this comes out of the blue though, one can imagine I need time. 

Nope, this idiot tries to hug me. I stop him with my hand, promptly telling him "You lost that privilege." 

And that was that. 

He's avoiding me, of course, guys tend to do that after a break up. 

But I forgive him. He's still a child, and sometimes things don't work out. And (I told him this) if he can't control his own moral compass and not do something both illegal and immoral, than I had no business dating him in this first place. 

But I'm ok, life is still good. I'll be fine on my own, given I always have been before. 

Anywhoooooooooo

I don't have a lot of funny stories, so here's this one from when I was in the third-ish grade:

       Ok so when I went fishing with my dad when I was little, I loved trying to catch the little minnows up by the shore while he laid the boat into the water. I was determined to catch one. And let me tell ya, when I want something, I get it. I'll work and work until I'm there. I started young. So I took this rinsed plastic coke bottle with me, and I'm sitting there trying and trying to get one to get into the bottle. Finally after I had gotten pruny hands, One little minnow got sucked up into the little bottle. 

Ploop. I was the happiest child on earth. 

I ran up to my dad who was talking with a buddy, yelling "Daddy Daddy I caught a fish!!!" 

He laughs and goes "There ain't no fish in there. Whatchu talkin about?" (My Dad's from Alabama) 

Then his buddy who, like most of my parents friends, knew I was eccentric, lifts up the bottle and peers through the side. 

He goes "Rick, she caught one! She did it! Look at that!" 

He handed the bottle back to me, beaming with teeny pride. And my dad is in awe. 

"That's one way of doin it!" 

And then later on, much later on, three years later, I still had the little minnow. I named it Kushie. Pronounced Kyoo-shee, and I loved that fish. Also, she/he really loved peanuts. Weird fish. But ya know I didn't have a lot of friends so I cherished little Kushie. So by now he's old and kind of chubby for a fish, and one day I notice he really couldn't swim right because he couldn't move his tail and kept floating upwards. 

I was freaking the.hell.out.

So I'm crying and I tell my Mom who then gets the crazy, crazy idea, of giving tylenol to a minnow. To ease the pain. Oh.My.God. 

Now I was a smart kid, ok? I knew that she could kill it if she gave too much.

She crushed up a quarter of a pill. and dropped a teeny tiny lil crumb in there. 

Kushie nibbled it, and five minutes later was belly up. 

My mother had just drugged my fish. 

I'm sobbing hysterically and my mom keeps apologizing over and over, since we really weren't familiar with each other we weren't sure what to do. But yep, my little friend was gone. 

We laugh so hard about it now, and we actually had a little funeral for Kushie where I'd first caught him; letting him go back into the river. 

My Mom still feels guilty. Eight years ago, this happened.

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R.I.P Kushie

Gone but not forgotten.