Origami | YA LGBT

Torn

'He-ey Mark...' I was totally freaking out when I came next to him. It was like those tough final exams in which your nerves took control of your body and you feel that even the slightest movement is going to be judged. Mark was no teacher though. He was so cool and relaxed, really owning himself, not even paying attention to his surroundings. I was so jealous I couldn't dissemble a glimpse of admiration on my eyes. He was one foot taller than me so, naturally, I was always looking up to him.

'Liam! You're finally here!'His wide perfect smile made me loose a little bit, even more when he left his friends in order to welcome me. He was a natural host and a innate gentleman. I could notice a group of younger girls, who where lying in their Disney's towels next to the pool, following every single of his movements, waiting to eat Mark up as soon as their get the chance.

'Yeah! Harold is a fast driver for sure! How are y...' But when I was about to give him a little hug, he stopped me slyly and extended his hand in front of me, wide opening his eyes as a sign of warning.

<<He has to be kidding me!>> I thought as I looked his hand, then at his eyes, and then back to his hand.  For a moment, just for a little while, I really expected things to be easier. But with Mark anything had a twist and I wasn't even ready to change the plot.

'Weren't we trying to...?' I said as I shook his hand in order not to make a scene. I was already pissed, but with myself. I knew I couldn't fantasize with the idea of Mark willing to show everyone that we were trying to be more than friends.

'Yeah. We are. But not now, please. Let's just... be friends. Okay?' He whispered as he smiled to dissimulate the tension between us 'I'm happy you are here.'

<<Yeah. As if that would make me feel better. Asshole.>>

'Yeah. Why not?' I couldn't even look at him in the eyes. Some sort of negative feeling was starting to grow in my head, wanting me to shout at him and run away as fast as I could.

'Why don't you come and hang with us? Let me introduce you some of my friends.' He said pointing at the group of suntanned jocks standing in one corner of the pool. It smelled as a way to compensate things.

'Sorry. I pass.' I was not even ready to meet his friends and even less if I had to pretend to be some kind of macho or something. I had to take a little time to calm down.

'Really? I'd love to...' He was a bit shaken and losing control of the situation. Mark was not used to deal with negatives or rejection.

'Mark...I would like to meet your friends. But not now... Okay?' I said, paraphrasing him in order to gave Mark a taste of his own medicine 'I'm going to take a look and see if I can find Helen...'

'Right.' He answered astonished, walking towards the group who was waiting for him.

The sun was shining bright up in the sky, causing my eyes to narrow, as I started to step around the swimming pool and then into the gorgeous yard. There were colored pennants hanging from the branches of the blossomed trees and the garden tables were full of booze, plenty of ice cubes and some snacks to peck. I made myself a really strong gin tonic and started my quest again trying to find my friend. But when I was about to give up, almost struggling to pass through the crowds of dancing teenagers and finishing up my drink, a familiar voice called my name from a group of deckchairs next to the pool storage.

'Li-Li! Honey!' Pamela was waving softly but high enough so I could see her. She was joined by the blonde Amanda as well, who had a black one-piece swimsuit and was lying face up with some cool sunglasses on. The Queen was sitting next to her, with a gorgeous turquoise bikini, surely Promised, that really flattered her toned body. Being stunning was as natural for her as it was for Mark. On the other hand, it was so difficult for me to be confident with my body. I was still wearing my tank top, without being able to show my chest to the big audience and even less to the host.

'Hey Pam! Amanda!' I faked a smile even though I was really torn deep inside. Pamela's imposing presence wasn't even helping at all. I just needed to be at home, in my bed, under the blanket. To disappear from the world for a while to rearrange my thoughts.

'Come and take a seat. This party is full of all kind of losers... Almost disgusting I would say.' The Queen said as I was sitting in the empty deckchair next to her. Part of what she was saying was completely true: It was full of people, most of them almost unknown to me.

'Fred told me that there was a huge diffusion on Facebook. I smell some trouble... We should go soon.' Amanda said in disgust.

'Yeah. Besides, we're here in a horrible spot, not even enjoying ourselves.' Pamela took a fan out of her bag 'How was your date the other day? You haven't gave me any details by text, boo.'

'It was okay. But I don't know if it's gonna work. We're looking different things.' I meant every single word.

'I know what you are talking about. I mean, look at Mark...'

'What... Why Mark?' My heart started to pound rapidly, fearing that The Queen actually knew something about us.

'Duh! Mark Tucson? My ex boyfriend...'

'Oh! Yeah... Sorry, I was distracted.' I sighed in relief.

'No problem. This music is really annoying...' Pam keep on fanning herself, not taking her eyes out of the pool 'Actually, look at him now... He's a dick. We are so not meant to be together.'

And my heart started to beat even faster that before. Mark was inside the pool, embracing a sexy brunette by her waist. She had her arms around his neck. They were smiling, being playful and childish. And then it got worse: I saw her lips on his lips.

'Yeah...' I was trying to contain the tears 'I think we have to go now. This party sucks.'

'It does. Let's go... I've my car parked right next to the entrance.' Pam started to pack all her stuff into her pink beach bag, not even being touched by the situation.

'Finally...' Amanda was pleased with the announcement.

'But first... Let me look for my rucksack... I think I left it in the house.'

''kay, boo. We'll wait for you in the car.'

And I left the girls behind. Not even caring about my bag. Not even thinking where I was going. Not even telling I was running. Not even noticing I ended up inside of the secret den between the bushes. Our den. Crying as I was sitting on the tiny log. Our log. Finally noticing our plane was not landing after the turbulence. It was about to crash.

All this drama, all this pain. I didn't deserve it. I needed to be exorcised of my imperfect illusions. To get him out of my head. And all sudden, when I was drying my tears, I knew where I had to go, what to do. I took my phone out and started to dial.

'I'm sorry. I need you...' I said to the speaker 'I want some of your knowledge, Teenage Movies and maybe a hug...'

'What are you waiting for, silly?' Mindy said, letting me know that everything was going to be fine.