Freak tried Art (4)

I feel like I've got some explaining to do...

(Skip to the end of this chapter if you're just here for art and don't care bout me and my life, kay?)

So... something's been bugging me lately. I feel sad and guilty and wrong and I'm disappointed that I can't even bring up some courage on the internet.

So... back in August 2016, I was really down. Like REALLY down. I wasn't in the mood for anything, I made plans on how I would leave Wattpad, I felt alone, I didn't even try to make good art (or what else you would categorize my art as). And, I said to my dear Wolf-Senpai (gonna miss you forever) that if I left, I dearly wanted to give this account to someone, like someone I knew that wouldn't do shit with it (I don't actually wanna do that anymore if I leave cause now you know what I kinda look like...).

So, that aside, I made another account. I wanted to start anew. I wanted to just build that new account up until I had a kinda good realationship with the people I'm friends with on here, so I wouldn't truly lose them...

I pulled out a really old character that I had made when my depressing phases began. I hadn't drawn the character often before than because I couldn't draw well and I didn't want anyone irl to see.
I had called him Arih when I first "created" him at the age of... lemme think... I think it was around the age of 8 or 9.
It was a guy because especially back then (and until today) many people at school made fun of me because I had really short hair (and still have kinda short hair) and the question "Are you a boy or a girl" plagued me on a daily basis. Most teased me with the fact that I wore my bro's old clothes most of the time because I loved the designs and I myself wasn't even sure what I was/wanted to be (I still don't know that). So, I thought they're probably right. They way I acted (and still act) is all too boyish most of the time.

If you remember this:

This is not quite what I always imagined and drew him as. that's why I called this character not Arih.

In my mind, Arih was kinda like a personification of myself. He would always had a wide smile that looked a little creepy ( because faking smiles was even harder back then and it sometimes looked a little creepy or really weird), and he would be wearing a seatshirt-jacket because I love those things to death. I'm also a big fan of blue which is why I wanted him to have bright blue hair.

Anyway, I wanted to say sorry to all of you whom I've lied to with this account I had created. If you know what I'm talking about, please forgive me. I really was down, I wanted to leave this behind me. Start a new with a new account, be less exposive. I felt so weak and vulnerable and I hated that feeling. I couldn't really stand the atention you gave me, even if I said I was fine. I think I'm getting better with my social skills now. It still feels weird to be asked if I'm fine. I still don't know how to respond to some questions, but it'll get better, eventually.

I said goodbye to the idea of closing this account for now. I realised that it might help my social skills, too. My best strategie always was smiling and nodding before I came here. I now know what to do in most situations and it really feels great. I don't feel so weird and so wrong anymore, even though many people at school still throw these words at my head. I don't mind it anymore. A little weirdness isn't that bad after all.