Eh, 4th "Art"-Book.
If you're new, just wanna say that I really don't put much work into my art anymore and that it's just here for others to look at.
This book will probably be full of sketches. You were warned.
Art may cause:
constant eye...
Eyyo... Say, you have three friends that know each other.
And you think you are on good terms with them.
But you don't know if they even like you.
Because neither of them spend any time with you except if you are with one of the other two.
But that doesn't matter to you cause hey, you don't even like yourself and wouldn't want to spend time with yourself either.
And one day, you notice, that two of them really can't stand you anymore and they only keep being around you cause the third one apperently doesn't mind you.
And you notice the other two becoming more and more distant until they even avoid you everywhere they can without looking like they didn't like you.
And they only spend time with each other and even leave the third one alone because the third one is with you.
But you don't mind because, again, who would want to spend time with you anyway?
So that goes on for a while.
Until you notice after the holidays, that even the third one seems to avoid you.
And you know you can't ask them if they were avoiding you cause then they'd use that mistrust as an excuse to completely avoid you and you don't want that.
So you go along with it, are mostly alone and feel like you upset them.
What would you do then?
Because I don't know what I should do... should I just go with it? Cause it's what I'd normally do, but I feel so lonely... I mean, it was obvious this would happen. I can't keep up a friendship for longer than a year and these guys have been my friends (if they even were ones to begin with) for almost 2 years now.
I dunno. I'm confused. I'm lonely. I don't even wanna keep it up anymore but I can't end it either cause... I promised. And I hold onto promises like they're my lifeline. They're my only reason to live after all, no?
Also, I found a song that almost depicts my life perfectly but it's german so imma translate it now :)
German Lyrics
[Hook] Nein, ich lache nicht Ich ha-ha-hasse mich Ich hab versucht mich nicht zu hassen, Doch ich schaffe es nicht Ich hab versucht mich zu lieben, Doch egal wie ich es anpacke Ich werd' mich wieder hassen Alles endet in ner Sackgasse
Ich lache nicht Ich ha-ha-hasse mich Ich hab versucht mich nicht zu hassen, Doch ich schaffe es nicht Ich hab versucht mich zu lieben, Doch egal wie ich es anpacke Ich werd' mich wieder hassen Alles endet in ner Sackgasse
[Verse 1] Ich schau' in den Spiegel und ich hasse diesen Menschen Den schlimmsten Feind vor Augen, Mann, ich hasse mich selbst Weil ich mich schuldig fühl', dass Freunde mich verraten haben, hass ich mich Ich fühl mich unterkühlt, doch aufzutauen schaff' ich nicht Ich hasse mich, zu oft enttäusch' ich mich selbst Zu oft mach ich die gleichen Fehler, zu oft hasst mich die Welt Es kommt mir vor als wenn ich der größte Penner der Welt wär Sie hassen mich, doch wissen nicht ich hasse mich selbst mehr Weil alles was ich mach' früher oder später scheitern wird Und ist es schief gegangen lag es immer gleich an mir Ich hasse mich dafür, jeden Tag, Dass ich die Türen meiner Träume nicht mit Füßen eingetreten hab' Ich, nicht mal Tränen hab' ich Kann nicht verstehen, dass ich Immer den ander'n , doch mir selber nicht vergeben kann Es macht meine Seele kaputt, ich halt's nicht aus hier Zwingt mich, mich zu hassen, keine Chance ich muss raus hier
[Hook]
[Verse 2] Ich hab so vieles getan und so vieles bereut Ich habe Fehler gemacht und so viele enttäuscht Deswegen hass' ich mich – und das so sehr Fehler machen ist so leicht, doch entschuldigen so schwer Und jetzt steh ich hier im Bad vor meinem Spiegelbild Und frage mich, wer mir durch diese Krisen hilft Und ich frage Gott, "bist du da für mich?" Ich melde mich nur dann und schon wieder hass' ich mich Ich hasse mich dafür, dass ich etwas anfange Es nicht zu Ende bringe und nichts in der Hand habe. Ich hasse es, dass ich es Frauen niemals recht mache Ich hasse es, dass ich mit Frauen immer Pech habe Ich hasse es, dass ich so ein schlechter Mensch bin Ich möchte doch nur helfen und selbst da bin ich schlecht drin Ich hasse es, weil mich der Hass immer runterzieht Weil jeder Funke Hoffnung immer unterliegt
[Hook]
English Lyrics
[Hook] No, I'm not laughing, I ha-ha-hate myself I tried not to hate myself, but I can't pull it off I tried to love myself, But no matter how I set about it I will hate myself again Everything stopps at a dead end
I'm not laughing, I ha-ha-hate myself I tried not to hate myself, but I can't pull it off I tried to love myself, But no matter how I set about it I will hate myself again Everything stopps at a dead end
[Verse 1] I look in the mirror and I hate this human The worst enemy in front of me, man, I hate myself Cause I feel guilty, that my friends betrayed me, I hate myself I feel undercooled, but I can't manage to unfreeze I hate myself, I disappoint myself too often I make the same mistakes too often, the world hates me too often It occurs to me as if I was the biggest bitch in the world They hate me but don't realise I hate myself more Because everythign I do fails sooner or later And if it went wrong it's always automatically my fault I hate myself for that, every day, That I didn't kick in the doors of my dreams with my feet I, I don't even got tears Cannot understand that I Can always forgive the others but can't forgive myself It destroys my soul, I can't stand it here Make me hate myself, no chance I gotta get out of here
[Hook]
[Verse 2] I did so much and I regret so much I made mistakes and disappointed so many Therefore I hate myself – and that so much Making mistakes is so easy but apologising is so hard And now I stand here in the bathroom in front of the reflection of my mirror And ask myself, who's gonna help me in those crises And I ask god, "are you there for me?" I only announce my presence then and already hate myself again I myself for starting something But never finish it and got nothing in my hand I hate it, that I can never do things right for women I hate it, that I'm always unlucky with women I hate it, that I'm such a bad human I only wanna help but I'm even bad at that I hate it, because the hate always pulls me down Because every spark of hope is always defeated
[Hook]
I absolutely love that song. ShoX is now officially one of my fave Rappers! ^^
Oh yeah. Here. Art.
Ops! Esta imagem não segue as nossas directrizes de conteúdo. Para continuares a publicar, por favor, remova-a ou carrega uma imagem diferente.
Totally not a lazy pic I took of my computer screen and cropped out. Nope.
Also, i have no fucking idea why i drew this. And i love cursing. It's not that big of a deal in germany anyway...
