Eh, 4th "Art"-Book.
If you're new, just wanna say that I really don't put much work into my art anymore and that it's just here for others to look at.
This book will probably be full of sketches. You were warned.
Art may cause:
constant eye...
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I was trying to draw paws that don't look like complete shit. It didn't work at all.
And the thing on its head is supposed to be a pyjama hat...
But, I told ya, darkdragonshifter, that I'd draw an eeveelution at some point :)
I just wanna draw right now, please, has anyone a good idea? (I'm willing to draw OCs, but don't come at me with a random anime character because I don't want to feel like shit when searching up a reference pic and only see beautiful art of said character. Just a description of something living or an OC, please...?)
Hell, I want to have what I had half a year ago back. Fuck my art style, fuck my losses, fuck this black hole in my chest, fuck this life. I hate all of it. If I could wish for one thing, then it would be that no one would care if I died. Or even better, that I never even existed. It'd make everyone's life so much easier.
As for last chapter, I wanna say sorry for being so hateful, aggressive and harsh. Truth be told, I don't really care anymore what people want me to be. it's stressing and exhausting to make people happy when all you want is to be happy yourself. But it doesn't work. I can't get these thoughts out of my head. I can't stop thinking about what I should've done. I can't stop blaming myself even though she told me she was happy that I was there for her. I can't stop feeling guilty because she'll do it and I can't stop her, I can't get my friend back in any way.
Welp, I'll just try to keep it up, to keep being nice. to keep the facade up. To keep pretending. To keep telling everyone it's okay. Good thing I'm on the internet and can make it sound like I'm happy and fine. Very good indeed. I just don't know how to keep it up anymore irl. Anyone got any tips on how to cover up your sadness? smiling is a bit hard for me... what words should I use? What are happy phrases? It's not easy when all you've ever really learned on how to look happy is smiling and laughing.
