Freak tried Art (4)

Voices

No. this isn't vent art.

If it was, that'd mean I had been holding something in that I now let out.

That's not the case tho.

It's just, what I feel inside all the time nowadays. I don't know if it makes any sense but, I don't think there are voices in my head, nor do I feel like someone's telling me those things, it's more like I say them to myself, trying to persuade myself, ya know?

Before anyone types anything:
No, I'm not particularly sad, or feel bad or anything. I'm pretty neutral, maybe a bit confused and agitated but nothing more. I didn't need to get anything that I've been holding in out. I dont't want to hear that everything gets better either because you should be telling that to people that want/need help. I'm fine. Everything is fine. I can promise you that.

And yes, the "wounds" are the places where I've cut myself, tried to cut myself or hurt myself on purpose in general. You don't see most of these at all anymore (meaning they didn't leave scars which is really good). But I know they were there and... I think I drew this to remind myself how stupid I am, and to stay clean. I mean, I've been clean for over a week. Next tuesday, it's two weeks (Yes, I count the days/weeks. Makes me feel a little better about myself). I don't wanna fall back anymore. I don't wanna have to depend on a knife anymore to make things more bearable. It's pathetic. I hate being pathetic.
And to those that tell me crying makes me human: Yes, but so do all other emotions and emotional acts. And crying also makes me look weak and pathetic, because I wasn't able to do something right or help someone or I was just not able to win an inner fight, so I cry. I hate being weak. More like, I hate showing that I'm weak. You may not understand it, but if you lived my life, you know that crying makes everything worse. It shows you've been hurt in some way, and if they find your weak spot, they keep hitting it over and over again (not literal, most of the time). So it's better to smile, to act as if you weren't hurt at all, so maybe they won't do it again...

Also, those words on each side are actual things I think all the time, or rather, want to believe. Does that make any sense? It probably doesn't...

Ahahahaha.... this got more depressing than I wanted it to -.-

I'M NOT FUCKING SAD.

Let's change the theme, ne?

I was at a synagogue today. I know, doesn't sound as interesting at first, but it's a whole different feeling if you're german, really. It's, you feel so at fault when you get told that the same building you're standing in was almost burned down completely by the poeple of your city and only was put out so that the buildings around wouldn't catch fire...
I feel bad about this. But I couldn't change anything anyway. So it's whatever, I suppose...

Also, bitch hit my hurt arm. Ouch. FUCKING HELL OUCH.
I won't say who bitch was but I WILL get my revenge >:3