Only You

Chapter 40: What Do You Mean?

It's been almost two weeks since we last talked. I thought everything was going to be so different without him, but it's not. School keeps going, the sun keeps coming up every day, my friends keep hanging around, everything is basically the same, except I'm without Liam.

The day after our last conversation I felt nervous and anxious. I thought something was going to happen in all of our classes together and we were going to get back to normal. In my mind, he was going to come back to me and try to solve everything wrong between us, erase everything from the past and start a new future, together. I imagined him breaking into the middle of the class in search of me, ignoring the fact that the teacher was standing at the front of the room, explaining, and he would walk towards me, grabbing me by the hand and taking me away from there, somewhere out of school, and we would have a long talk about every single aspect of our lives and continue what we had going on.

Other days I imagine I'm walking in the hallway and someone yells my name, then I turn around and it's Liam standing there, waiting for me. He walks closer to me and surprises me by giving me a sweet gentle long kiss. Everyone around is looking at us, wondering what is going on but we're concentrated in our very own world.

But those are just dreams, nothing more than dreams.

At first, when our eyes connected in class or in the hallway, I would turn my sight apart from him because I would feel a mix of emotions: embarrassed, shy, confused, nervous, and intimidated, and I don't know why, but I just felt like it. I was never able of seeing his face expression because I wouldn't turn my sight again on him. I was too scared to do it.

Later on, when we saw each other, we would show a polite smile, nothing more than that, just a simple-almost-fake smile. I think that was what hurt me the most, treating each other like complete strangers. No flirting, not looking for each other, not laughing together, not talking, nothing.

I've been trying to act normal when I'm with my friends and family but I know they notice something is wrong with me. They think I will instantly cry at the sound of his name, so they don't ask or say anything, and I thank them for that. I'm not ready to talk about it.

My parents have been acting better these days. They don't shout at me anymore or compare me to my sister, which is really nice because I was feeling so sad and uncomfortable whenever I talked to them, it was horrible. I don't know if the issue with Rebecca had something to do with their drastically mood change and I don't care, I'm glad I'm starting to feel loved again, I really needed it. And speaking of Becca, she's been really quite, she doesn't talk much with any of us, not even with my mother. Whenever I ask how she's doing she simply responds with a weak 'fine' and then walks away, trying to avoid any type of conversation with me.

Things would be so different is she led me in, but like Liam said to me the last time we spoke, she always shuts me down.

"Earth calling Allie." Stella says moving her hand back and forth in front of my face, waking me up from my daydreaming.

"Sorry." I say and try my best to give an authentic smile.

Everything at home and with my friends is pretty much great, and Liam being the only one apart from me makes me sad and upset in a way no one can. I can't believe how big of an impact he has caused on me, it's really impressing.

"Nothing to worry about, I was just talking about Randy." She says, "But enough about my boring stories." She looks at Scarlett and then back to me. "How are you feeling?" She asks with a concern look.

"Better." I answer, looking at both of them. I don't feel like talking much today, I should have gone back home instead of coming to Java Café. I don't want to make them feel awkward around me but there are some days where I remember Liam, and the thoughts of him fill my mind. I should stop feeling pity of myself. It's no good for me. "But this coffee isn't helping, I feel sleepy as hell." I say and make a short laugh.