Only You

Chapter 26: Where We Left Off

I don't know why I'm crying so much, yes he read my personal thoughts, and yes it was a bad idea to use my school notebook as a journal. I should know this could happen, I'm so stupid.

I bet he's not going to talk to me anymore, he must think I'm some sort of bad person for writing those hurtful things about him but I was angry at the time, Jade and him made me feel so upset and disappointed, I was going through a lot and I couldn't contain myself, my hand wrote what my heart felt and I don't see anything wrong with it, except that it wasn't supposed for him to read it.

I wipe the tears running all over my face with my hand and try to focus on the ride, I don't want to have an accident because of teen drama.

I know that I shouldn't have written those things down, they were exaggerated because of my mood but what was he doing with my notebook? I never told him to read it or something, so he has half of the fault too, I'm not the only one wrong in this situation. I'm such an idiot, I should've burned that letter to myself from the moment I finished writing it, but I never thought someone would read it, especially Liam.

Tears keep falling and I can't stop them, I screwed it up this time, I really did. I called Stella and Scarlett a few minutes ago but neither of them answer, they're never there when I need them. Who else should I call? Boys are out of the list, and so are my parents, I don't feel comfortable talking about this stuff with them because they never get me.

"Do you still want me to come over?" I say in the moment Jasmine picks up her phone. I hope I don't sound too sad.

"Are you okay, Allie?" She asks and I swallow my tears.

"Yeah." I say, trying to sound as always.

"Sure. I'll be here waiting." She answers and hangs up.

I text her saying that I'm outside her house and wait for her to come out. I feel my eyes red and my face all sticky because of the tears, but I don't care, I know she won't judge me.

"Thanks for having me." I say to Jasmine when she opens the door and lets me in. Her house is more likely to mine. Liam has the biggest and most elegant house out of all my friends, if I can still call him my friend.

I have a huge knot in my throat but I don't want to cry anymore, I have to be strong and perhaps I can talk to him tomorrow, I don't want him to have a wrong impression of me, not after all we've been through, when we were finally talking to each other again.

"Thanks for coming." She says and closes the door. "Let's go to my room." I nod and follow her. This house has so many doors, I've seen four since I've entered and I bet there are more upstairs, it reminds me of a maze.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks, referring to my makeup all over the place. I don't know if I should speak, I'm sure that in the moment I say the first word, the tears will come back again and I won't be able to stop. And what it hurts the most is that Liam didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one who has to feel bad because of all the things I wrote about him, a normal person doesn't express like that. If I was the one reading those evil comments about me, I would be pretty upset too.

"Have you ever done something you regret?" I answer with another question. Telling her my entire story with Liam doesn't seem like a good idea. She is a great friend and understands me, but I feel wrong telling her what had happened between him and me, it's something personal that no one else has to know, not even my closest friends and family.

"Yeah." She says and stands up from her chair to close the door, "But everything can be fixed." She stares at me, analyzing my face, I must look all red and swollen, with mascara all over my cheeks and sad, I hate being like this, I really do. "You don't have to give me all the details but-", she pauses, "Trying doesn't kill anybody, not trying does."