Something Worth Living For [THG] // Finnick Odair

LII

Day after day I go to see Danieka. The nurses say she's recovering but I see her all the same, maybe she has gained another pound or two but besides that I don't see a change.

Today Carlyne is with Johanna and me, we don't talk much while we are in Danieka's room, there is little to say and we don't want the nurses to hear us, in case they tell someone else, we all know Capitol people love to gossip.

I finally got the courage to touch her again, before it seemed easy to fight against her, to rub her arm, or embrace her or even kiss her cheek but now I feel like I might break her if I touch her, she seems so fragile, so I haven't done so until now.

I sit next to her bed and after about an hour, my hand rises until it slightly rubs Danieka's left hand. It's deadly cold but her skin is smooth, though. I grab only a finger at first, feeling uncertain if I should do so or not but after another ten minutes I grab her whole hand. I keep doing it every time I visit her after that.

"She will wake up, right?" I ask as one of the nurses walks inside the room as she needs to check on Danieka.

"Of course she will, but sometimes this takes time." She says with a small smile. "If she weren't so undernourished she would recover quicker, besides the snake that bit her, was very poisonous and the venom went through all her body for a long time, I'm actually surprised she's alive, she's a fighter."

The nurse nods at me and walks out of the room, as soon as she does I put my hand on top of Danieka's and stare at her face, waiting to see her opening those blue eyes I love, but nothing happens, at least not today.

"What would have happened if neither, Danieka nor Kellen, woke up?" Johanna whispers to Carlyne, so I don't hear, but I still do. We are out of the hospital by now.

"I have no idea." Carlyne admits, keeping his voice low as well. "Kade had been dead for twenty minutes or more by the time they were all picked up, I don't know if they could have revived him either."

"So they are left with no victor?" Johanna asks him.

"Probably." He shrugs. "Or maybe they reap another twenty-four kids."

"That would be horrible."

Johanna makes sure I eat and sleep the amount I should, claiming there is nothing to fear anymore. What she doesn't understand is that I have nightmares about what can happen to Danieka as soon as she wakes up, she's only a girl, she isn't ready for all of this.

'Maybe it's best if she never wakes up.'

I close my eyes tightly and put my hands over my head, I don't know that to think anymore, I don't know what is wrong and what is right anymore, all I know is that Danie's suffering hasn't stopped yet.

I feel guilty every day, for letting my feelings control me. She should be dead, it would be the best, Kellen or Kade should be the one crowned as victor. That's what a part of me thinks but the other thinks I'm a heartless bastard for even considering that. Danie is alive and I should be happy for it, right?

I'm so ashamed of my thoughts that I don't dare to voice them, I want to tell Johanna, the only person who wouldn't judge me, but I just can't, it's too awful to say them aloud.

Today has been the first day that it hasn't rained yet, the sky is a bit cloudy and the temperature are quite low, it doesn't feel as depressing as the last few days, though. But it's not like I care, not really.

Once again, I'm visiting Danieka with Johanna and Carlyne. We had to wait about an hour because Brutus was here, he doesn't know about us seeing her.

Today I'm not by her side, though. I'm pacing the room, going one way and then going back just to do it all over again, this is a good way to not get so anxious and time seems like it goes by a bit faster. Carlyne seems a bit affected by it, though.