Without the Love

Chapter 5

 Cheyanne’s POV

Have you ever lost someone or something that means so much to you? Your heart just stops and it feels heavy. You can’t breathe and you want to cry but nothing comes out. You can’t comprehend what happened and you just want to rewind. You feel a pang of guilt or regret and you start blaming yourself for the cause. This is what I feel right now, but to top that off, I want to kill myself.

I look at the figure right in front of me. Motionless. Lifeless. Dead.

I feel numb. The pain that was there just moments ago is gone, just like the person I’m facing.

His arms are spread out, body faced down. Blood is dripping from his mouth while the tree that was going to kill me, lays on top of him. 

I hear footsteps. I see firemen, police guards, and lastly, my brother. Everything is still, no movements, just eyes wandering everywhere right in front of them, something that I had caused. 

The last thing I remember before I lost sight of everything and my mind went blank were the cries that belonged to my brother.

There's this annoying sound. Stop it. Someone, anyone, stop it. 

I open my eyes slowly. My vision is blurry and all I can hear is beeping noises. I try to sit up, but the pain from my back is unbearable. My head starts pounding. Where am I?

It takes a minute to have my vision back to normal. All the events flows back to my mind. My dad is dead. I made him risk his own life. And I am alive. I look down and see that I am in a hospital bed, Christina holding my hand. 

That’s when everything I had in me started to erupt. I am crying because I wish I never woke up.

Christina moves and looks up at me. She stares at me, shocked. I can’t control my crying. This is my fault. Why take my dad? Why not take me? 

“Hey, shhhh. Chey, it’s okay. Shhhh.” Christina comes closer and hugs me. I cry into her shoulder harder. 

We stay like this until I controlled my tears. I back away, leaning my head against the pillow.

“What happened? How long have I been here? Where’s everyone..wh-” I get cut off by Christina.

“Chey, don’t worry right now. I am glad you’re awake. You slipped into a coma and been in a coma for about a week now. Let me call the doctors. Everything will be alright.” With that, she kissed my forehead and left. 

How is everything going to be alright? I was the reason why my dad was dead. Nothing is going to be the same. A coma? How did that happen? I have caused so much through my family. I worried them. My dad first, now me. I’m alive, but that doesn’t make me feel better. 

How can I be so stupid? Why did I not just let that tree kill me instead of calling for my dad? The vision of him laying on the ground plays back in my head, something I wish I can erase.

I look at my body. I have a tight bandage around me, holding me in one place, but still giving me room to breathe. I shift myself, but my leg wouldn’t move. Great, I broke my leg. It's what I deserve, isn't it?

How’s Austin? Is he okay? Of course he isn’t Cheyanne. He lost his role model, his protector and supporter. He lost his best friend and all he wanted to do was help him. I got between that and look where it has gotten to. I start crying uncontrollable sobs. I cry my heart out for my father. He saved me. I don’t know how to live with myself knowing he is gone, forever. 

My mom! She lost her other half, the love of her life. To top that off, she is pregnant. She’s pregnant! Oh god, please, I hope everything is good with the baby! How can I be so selfish thinking about my well-being when there are others who are suffering as much as I am, maybe even more. I can’t take this. I grab the nearest object to me, which is luckily a lamp. I grab it and throw it to the floor. I created this mess! The lamp is shattered to pieces, a resemblance of my heart and soul.