Body Language. Queen

So Many Questions.

Roger's P.O.V.

Freddie groaned sounding very sorry for himself, propped himself up against the wall and took some deep breaths with his eyes closed.

"Sure..." he answered, sounding hoarse.

And then I began to panic. Regret bringing it up that I wanted to ask him something because if I didn't say something he'd bug me until I did. He wasn't a forgetful drunk so would most likely remember I wanted to ask him something when he's sobered up in the morning and I just won't be able to do it.

I shouldn't ask him. It was wrong. It was so wrong. He'll think I'm crazy. I didn't know if asking him whilst he was in this state was a good idea anyway. I don't know how he'll take it. He probably wouldn't even take me seriously.

But it's been playing on my mind for a while now.

A couple of weeks ago...I don't know how or why me and Deaky started talking about this but, we were discussing the situation between Brian and Freddie.

We'd had a few casual drinks in bed whilst talking.

Deaky started by saying, "Honestly, Freddie has never had any trouble in getting anybody he's ever wanted. So why doesn't Brian want to entertain him. It's not like he's not good looking."

And at that, I had to agree, "I know, I'd be so flattered if Fred fancied me."

I knew our conversation was so wrong.

But...it wasn't phasing us in the slightest, and it just kept going on.

Until one question leaked out of my mouth, "If you weren't with me and Freddie, for whatever fucking reason ever tried it on with you, would you fuck him?"

I asked the question so casually, whether it was because I'd had a drink or knew for a fact this was just a conversation of a false scenario or we both knew we wouldn't ever advance anything with Freddie, it honestly was just like a normal conversation.

And Deaky answered me as if I'd just asked if he wanted cereal for his breakfast, he shrugged, his nose still in his book he was reading and replied with, "Yeah...you?"

His answer didn't upset me or even make me blink, I answered too, "Yeah...probably."

But a few days and nights after that weirdly calm conversation it dawned on me...that we had basically confessed we maybe slightly just a little bit had a slight interest in Fred. But it was buried deep down inside of us because we were an item and we were also completely obsessed with each other.

But really, it didn't make me feel as guilty knowing he also had a soft spot for our front man.

This was so fucking weird and so fucking wrong. I know.

And since then, the conversation hadn't been able to leave my head for one underlying reason.

I had been trying for weeks now to make a move on him, try and remove his underwear, touch him, taste him...anything.

But he never let me no matter how hard I tried, of course I would never force him but he surely must be getting tired of sucking me off all the time and not getting the favour repaid.

If he was nervous I'd understand, but it's been a while since we got together and I prance about naked in front of him all the time now. I've reassured him so many times he doesn't have to be scared.

Whenever I let a hand wander to his boxers to see if he'll let me slip them off his body, he shoves my hand away and turns away from me, pretending to want to go to sleep. Sometimes I climb on top of him and attempt to grind but he always flips us over...I shouldn't take it personal but I do. Is it just because he doesn't want me to?

So the thought playing on my mind constantly lately is...if he's so quick to answer that he would fuck Fred if the opportunity arises. Would he do it? Even if he's with me and I've tried with him so many times, if Fred tried it on with him just the once, would he succumb?

Because then I'd get my answer either way. If John does let Freddie go further with him than he's let me go...he obviously wants the singer more than he wants me. If he lets Freddie attempt, it means he's interested but won't let him across the barrier that I'm also stuck at. If he doesn't let him near him...then he's completely faithful to me.

Yet either way. Telling this to Freddie would be so embarrassing and awkward and I would be betraying John.

I'd be jeopardising all trust I had ever built up with the bassist by even attempting this. There was a massive chance it could all go wrong in so many ways.

It was eating away at me, was I doing something wrong? Did he just not like the way I look naked? Is he conscious of something? Doesn't he like sexual contact? Did he not find me attractive? Did he not trust me?

So many questions. They had to be answered because they were driving me insane and dare I say...making me want to be a little distant from Deaks. Which I desperately didn't want, I didn't want these stupid niggling thoughts breaking us up because I was still absolutely infatuated with him.

It was just confusing me a little and making me feel down.

"Roger. What is it?" Fred woke me up from my thoughts, I looked at him, his eyes were still closed, he slender body clad in rock star attire and his long black hair ticking his shoulders. He was attractive and sometimes, being alone with him and having his undivided attention made me feel a little special.

My throat was dry, it could be from all the dehydrating alcohol we had just consumed or it was from the nerves of asking Freddie this ridiculous thing.

"I don't know. It's nothing. It's stupid." I shrugged. Cursing myself for being such a baby.

"No, come on, ask me." His eyes opened now.

I shook my head, "It doesn't matter." I attempted to walk past him to leave the toilets.

He caught my arm and held me there, "Rog, you know you can ask me anything."

You won't be saying that soon, Fred.

I stared at the floor, licked my lips and swallowed, taking a breath.
"I need you to try it on with John."