It Beats For You

The Way She Feels

What I saw sickened me. I hate everything about me. I looked down at my arms and saw a shitload of rubber bracelets and began to take them all off. The sight under them disgusted me further.

A few old scars, a few new wounds from earlier today…I noticed my BVB bag sitting under the sink counter as I slid down the wall and pulled it towards me.

I took out the pictures I’d taken today. Why the fuck was I so happy in them? What was it about Andy that always brought the truest smile to my face?

Why was I so fucking in love with him when it was so wrong?

I opened a little pocket in the bag and pulled out my razor, dying to feel the cool metal against my skin.

I close my eyes and pull it across my flesh.

When I open my eyes, I see blood pouring down my arm from three or four different cuts and three drops of blood is falling on one of the pictures of Andy in the cement circle with the flowers.

I pushed the pictures away from me and leaned my head against the wall. This is my dirty little secret. I don’t think I can ever stop.

The next time I opened my eyes, there was blood all over the clean (not anymore) white floor around me and tears were mixing with the blood. It’s sick, but I thought it was pretty, so I took a picture of it, getting blood on my camera.

I didn’t really care, so I leaned against the wall again and let my razor do the work until I couldn’t really hold it anymore and it dropped into my blood.

And then I felt a pair of arms around me.

Andy’s POV

The guys and I were supposed to be starting New Religion, but we had seen Rain walk out of the venue. In the whole month she’d been with us, she’d never just left mid-show.

I heard my phone play Rain’s ring tone and Jon held my phone up for me to come look at.

It said: Play the show.

I frowned and texted back without thinking: </3

We did the show and then I told the guys I was going to go see what had happened with Rain, and they need to do tonight’s meet and greet.

“I’ll go, Andy. They’re mainly here to meet you anyways.” Ashley argued.

“Did you just fucking hear what I said, Ashley?” I said angrily. “I’m going to go see what’s up with Rain. That’s final. No fucking arguments.”

Ashley closed his mouth and looked at the ground. I didn’t mean to be such a dick, but I was worried. I’m sure they were too, but…they’re not in love with her.

I left the venue and got in the car, telling the driver to take me back to the hotel.

I asked the girl in the lobby if she’d seen Rain.

“The sad-looking girl with black hair? Yeah, she went up to her room about…two hours ago.”

I thanked her quickly and hurried up to where the floor with our rooms on it. I knocked on her door.

“Rain…it’s Andy…Is everything okay?” I frowned and tried to open the door.

It wouldn’t open. I mentally slapped myself. You need a key, dumbass. I went into my room and tried the door that linked our rooms. It opened with ease and I walked into her room. Her suitcases were on her bed, and there wasn’t much of a trace of her. I looked around the room again. The bathroom door was half closed…Cautiously, I moved towards it. I slowly pushed the door open all the way. My heart broke into a million pieces at what I saw: Rain slumped against the wall unconscious, bleeding, all the pictures she’d taken while we were together today were around her in sort of a circle, her t-shirt and jeans were soaked in blood and there was a razorblade lying in a pool of her blood next to her. I dropped to my knees, pushed the pictures out of the way and put my arms around her.