sparks » wroetofreezy

;1

;harry

another day.

just

another day.

another day of nothingness.

another day of hopelessness.

another day of not feeling like I'm living.

i'm just existing.

sighing, i stretch my arms high above my head, feeling the tense joints relax with a pop.

i stand from my bed, padding over the warm carpet to enter my small bathroom.

i quickly relive myself, staring at the new gashes littering my wrists.

i close my eyes, washing my face and brushing my teeth quickly before fully looking into the mirror.

looking back at me was a run down male. cheekbones sunken in, lips cracked and pale, skin as pale as a sheet, dark, void circles surrounding his sad eyes.

a tear slowly falls down my cheek.

what have i become?

all i ever am is sadness.

that's all i can ever feel.

happiness is irrelevant to someone who is alexithymic.

so is anger, frustration, excitement, agitation, affection, hate, jealousy, glee and love.

the only emotion i can recognize is sadness.

sadness and pain.

life was as dull as my blade.

being alexithymic, anxiety and depression come easily.

i slowly pull my jumper up and over my head, sparing one final look to the scars dancing on my body.

i run a hand through my ruffled hair, sighing as i pick up the multiple bottles pills.

i was on four prescription medicines- one to balance serotonin, one to boost dopamine, one for easing anxiety, and one to keep me awake.

without these pills, i'd be dead.

quickly, i swallow them one by one with a mouth-full of water, feeling the circular compact powder slide down my throat.

then, with one swift movement, i grab my bag and exit my dorm, beginning towards the lecture hall.

//
im really excited for this book. -nicole xx