The Dark Sides Of Life

The Diary Of Allison Kane (Diary Entry #4)

December 1, 2011

Dear Diary,

Since he threw me down the stairs, I had been haunted by my faults.

We had only been married for a couple of months when things became brutal.

He would trick me into staying with him. He would say things like he would kill himself or he would kill my parents.

Every night, I had nightmares of him killing my parents and me. I woke up with cold sweats and still I was there in his arms.

Today, I still wake up with cold sweats. In my nightmares, I see him standing over me with a sharp knife. I see him stabbing me over and over and over again. It was a crime of passion. One night last month, I woke up crying and screaming. The neighbors called the cops because they were worried that I was hurt.

"Go home to your parents, stay somewhere where you feel safe" My therapist keeps worrying me about my feelings. One time, I had a dream of me strangling her. That same exact day, she had crossed me the wrong way. I was already broken down in tears and shooken in fear but she still pressed my limit. I have been through hell. I actually used to cut myself for a couple months but my therapist convinced me to stop.

The things that led up to me cutting myself were the loss of my baby, the abuse, the rape incident, the threats, the stalking, the invading my privacy. I was not strong enough to leave him. For some reason he seemed to have a strong hold on me.

You probably see this and ask how I could live with that. It's not as easy as everyone thinks. It is like letting go of something you truly care about which is hard no matter how much they hurt you.

Tomorrow I have therapy so that means I have to tell her about the rape incident then the stalking then the snooping around. Ugh all about him! This will be interesting

( - End of diary entry 4)