We stood there on Christmas Day at my mother's headstone. There was a thin layer of snow on it and I brushed it aside and went back to my place.
Harry had his arm around me and Vanessa was rubbing my back. They were the very few people who came because it was Christmas Day. Mostly just her closet friends and workers.
I put my head on Harry's shoulder and tried to ignore the man talking about my mother. He didn't really know her. He was just doing the job he's getting paid for. To talk about the persons death and try to make the people believe everything is ok. But the truth is, everything is not ok. Nothing is going to be ok either, at least for a while.
He finished speaking and everyone put there flowers by her stone. Then I went up and put the lily in the pile of roses and put the Christmas gift I got for her on top. She loved lilies. I guess you can say she kind of named me after one.
The service ended and everyone left besides Vanessa and Harry and I.
They stood right besides me. Matthew wasn't able to come but he told me he would come visit. I just stared at the letters on her stone. Daniella Galloway: her spirit will carry on.
"Lil, I think it's time to go. It's snowing harder now and you look freezing." Said Vanessa.
I nodded my head once and took one last glance at her headstone. Then I looped arms with Harry and we walked out of the cemetery.
We all got in the car and drove to Vanessa's house to drop her off. I just stared out the window as we passed all the places my mom and I used to go to.
Then we got to Vanessa's house and I was snapped out of my gaze.
"Bye Lil. I'll see you maybe tomorrow or something, ok. Merry Christmas you two."
"Merry Christmas", I said in all one tone and didn't take my eyes off the window.
I felt Harry shrug. Then we started driving to my house.
"Lil, do you want to come to our house for Christmas, or would you like to go to your house."
"I'll go to my house. I don't want to bother you guys. You've already done enough." In the same tone as I had before.
"Ok. Well then let me give you your present now then."
We pulled up in my driveway and he gave me a little baggy that said Merry Christmas on it.
"Open it now."
"Ok."
I pulled out the little tissue paper and pulled out the little box like I gave to Vanessa. I opened it to see a little gold lily.
"It has your moms ashes in it from when she was cremated. Now she'll always be with you."
"Thank you." I gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Here, I'll walk you in."
I didn't object. I wanted a company for a little.
He grabbed the mail from the box and I opened the door. I walked in the house and it felt empty. Like no one lived here for years. Harry walked in with the mail and set it on the table. Then I went over to the fire place by the Christmas tree and started a fire. I walked over to Harry.
"You going to be ok by yourself?"
"Yeah I'll be fine. I'm practically an adult."
He smiled and then he gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"Bye Lillian. I'll see you tomorrow or something. If you need anything just call me."
"Harry I'll be fine. Don't worry."
"Ok. See you later."
He gave me another kiss and left. I took a seat on the couch and just sat there thinking about what I should do. I started looking around the room for something to do. I spotted the Christmas tree and I was reminded of her. How we were going to spend time with each other. How we had the whole week planned of fun stuff together. Just her and me. I started feeling sad again. I started to miss her. I wondered if I would ever get over this.
I walked over to the tree and sat down by the fire. I started admiring how beautiful it was. I noticed gifts under the tree and wondered whether I should open them. No. Not without her. It would be wrong for me open my gifts and she not get to. But she would want you to. Just open up one.
I reached under the tree and took a tiny box from under the tree. I unwrapped it and again was faced with the tiny box that probably had a piece of jewelry in it. I opened the box and faced with another locket. This one was a small oval and was in graved with the words Absent but not forgotten.
I opened it up to find a small picture of me and my dad. I was like three and he was holding me on his lap. I closed it and put it back in the box. Then I went upstairs and hung it on my jewelry holder along with the one that Vanessa and I had.
I went back downstairs and remembered I had one that Harry gave me with my mothers ashes. I grabbed that one and went back upstairs and hung it up right next to my dads.
I decided to just stay upstairs. I laid on my bed like a starfish. One hand was on my bedside table and the other hand was hanging off the bed. I felt my hand touch something. I jerked it away quickly. I looked over and saw the list of stuff we were going to do together.
I picked it up and started to read it.
Day 1: have a Christmas movie marathon
Day 2: open gifts and do some baking
Day 3: Game Day
Day 4: go ice skating
Day 5: give me drawing classes
Day 6: Go shopping
Day 7: spa day
Day 8: Lazy Day
Day 9: Happy New Years! Stay up all night and watch the ball drop
I started tearing up. I crumbled it up and through it at the wall and shoved my face in my pillow.
I can't take this anymore. I want her back. I need her.
