Best Friends, Right? (Boyxboy)

Chapter 14> Jupiter

I wanted to stay home. I wanted to sit in my room alone and cry about life. I wanted to sit there and think of all the shit that was plaguing my mind. I wanted to let it consume me. I wanted to let the thoughts eat away at me slowly, from the inside out until there was nothing left.

But I can't. As shitty as my parents are, they didn't raise me to wallow in my sadness. They didn't raise me to let the thoughts consume me. They raised me to forget, to pretend. They raised me to get back up.

So here I was sitting in a classroom three feet away from the very person that put these toxic thoughts in my head. The very person that built me up, then tore me down. The very person that I called my best friend. Let me tell you, it was almost unbearable. I wanted to scream at him. Tell him all the thoughts he put in my head. Show him how much he's ruined me. I wanted to ask him if our years of friendship was all lies. I wanted to kiss him.

But I can't and I won't.

I wasn't able to focus on the teacher. I couldn't do my work. My brain just wasn't working. I couldn't wait until the bell rang. So, there I sat in the classroom unable to focus with my knee bouncing up and down and my eyes darting toward the clock.

"Mr. Stokes, is there somewhere else you'd rather be?" Everyone in the class turned their attention to me. Everyone except Blaise, that is. He kept himself facing forward.

"No, sir." I looked down.

"Well in that case what is the answer to this problem?" He gestured to the dusty chalk board.

I hadn't been paying attention to anything he was teaching. I couldn't even try even though I probably knew the answer. Like I said my brain wasn't working.

"I don't know."

"Mr. Stokes you know 'I don't know' is not an answer." Please, just leave me alone. Please.

"I said, I don't know," I spoke loudly and forcefully.

"Mr. Stokes I don't l—"

"—like my tone of voice, I know. Standing there harassing me about a math question isn't going to change the fact that I do not know the answer."

"Since you think you're too smart to answer this math problem, I don't see how you can't do it while the principle talks to your parents about your behavior," the teacher replied crossing his arms. He was always bitter about everything. I have no idea why he became a teacher.

"I'm sure your mother and father won't be pleased with this." My hands start shaking. It's like he knows my father isn't around. Why else would he put emphasis on the word 'father'?

"I feel so sorry for your parents for having to deal with this behavior of yours. I also feel sorry for you. It seems lashing out is the only way you can deal with your problems, Mr. Stokes." I've had enough. I grabbed my bag, standing up with so much for I pushed the desk over. I rushed out of the classroom, my hands shaking more than before.

I feel sorry for you.

I don't want pity. I never did. Those words that Blaise said will always remind me of why I didn't want pity.

I was you're friend because I felt sorry for you.

I wasn't sad. I was angry. My hands were shaking furiously and all I wanted to do was punch something.

I go to my locker, trying to open it, when the bell rings. I put in the combination once again, but the locker wouldn't budge. Groaning, I slam my fist into the locker, earning some states of people passing by. While I was trying the locker combination again someone bumped into me, brushing past me.

"What the fuck," I yell looking to see who it was. I only caught sight of the back of Blaise's head. "Are you not going to apologize?" He kept walking not turning back once.

I abandon my locker, instead just dumping the stuff in the trunk of my car and grab my soccer bag. I quickly change before anyone could enter the locker room. I was still really pissed at what that teachers said.

I walked out onto the empty soccer field, deciding to shoot some goals to blow off some steam.

I grab a ball, aligning it and kick it as hard as I could into the goal. Satisfied with the sound of the ball hitting the net, I grabbed another ball.

Sadly, even with all the angry kicks in the world I was still pissed off. I didn't know exactly what I was pissed off about. Sure my teacher said things that angered me, but it was more than that. Right now I felt as if all the anger that was pent up deep down for years is finally being let out. I was angry at the teacher for making me feel so small. I was angry at my father for making me feel worthless for all these years. I was angry at my mother for making me feel as if no one cares about me. I was angry at Blaise for making me think 'maybe I'm not alone. Maybe someone does care about me. Maybe someone does love me.' But I think most of all, I was angry at myself for becoming all of those things. I succumbed to what everyone said. No matter how hard I try I will always feel small, worthless, uncared for, alone and unloved. I was angry at myself for falling for my best friend. Angry at myself because I let him deceive me all these years. Angry at myself because I was the fool. I am the fool.

So, sitting here on the field I can't help but be utterly and extremely angry. I can't help but want to scream. I can't help but want to punch something. Instead I do nothing. Just sit there staring blankly out into a void, my hands shaking and my teeth clenched.

All I could do was just take everything life is plaguing me with.

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A/N: Let me start off by saying thank you for 1k reads! I honestly never thought I would reach this goal that I've had for so long when I started this book. It is honestly amazing to me.

Questions and comments go here.

QOTC: Have you ever had an experience like Jupiter's where you like someone but the feelings aren't reciprocated? If so share if you want.

Thank you so much again for 1K reads!! You guys are the best and I am so thankful.

This is not edited.

-me