Best Friends, Right? (Boyxboy)

Chapter 10> Jupiter

You never know how great you feel until it's taken from you.

You think, maybe it's going to be okay. Maybe I can make it through this. Then something happens. The something that ruins you. It takes away all the hope you had of ever feeling okay,or happy even. Then you think you will feel the way you did prior to being okay. But this time it's worse. You feel as if nothing will help no matter what you do. Everything feels like it's your fault. You lose your connection with everything around you. You don't eat, you don't sleep. The only thing you have is your thoughts. The same thoughts that keep you up at night. The same thoughts that prevent you from doing anything at all. The same thoughts that are the source of your own self destruction. The thoughts are unbearable. Silence only makes them worse. You get in your own head, telling yourself things that make you dig yourself deeper into this hole of despair and sadness. There is no way out.

I've felt like this twice in my life. With my father and right now.

I can't even remember the last time I was able to close my eyes without the nightmares occurring. I haven't eaten in god knows how long. I cried until I cried myself dry. I felt numb. The only thing I have been doing is thinking. Thinking the thoughts that slowly kill me. The thoughts that slowly drive me insane. The thoughts the bring me to the point of no return. So sitting in my car in silence until everyone diminishes from the school parking lot is not the best idea but here I am.

I hear the bell ring signaling that homeroom starts in 5 minutes.

I could just leave. Drive far away and never come back. What's stopping me?

Blaise.

Shaking the thoughts out of my head I push open the car door and begin my short journey to the schools double doors. Before I open them I pull my hood up. Not only to try and get into the school without anyone noticing it's me, but to hide my face. I look ghostly pale with dark bags under my eyes. My eyes look lifeless.

Exhaling I push the door open and begin walking to my locker. I notice as soon as I step foot into the hallway everyone silenced.

So much for going unnoticed.

I tried my best to ignore the whispers and the states as I opened my locker.

Just get through the day.

I busied myself by taking out my books for the day and shoving them into my bag. I double checked to make sure I had everything before closing my locker. Then I sadly remembered it was a B-track day and I took out all the wrong books. I sighed before opening the locker once again. Well trying to. As soon as I opened it a hand slammed it shut again.

"Look it's the fag. He finally decided to show up." I look up to see no one but Marco. Great. "You know the boys and I can't even change in the locker room anymore because of how unsafe you make us feel."

"Listen I don't have time for your g—"

"Why? Where you off to, huh? Going to find your little boyfriend? Or, should I say boyfriends?" I exhale slowly trying to ignore him and the stares before turning around and opening my locker only to have it shut once again.

"You can't ignore me, Jupiter. Not when we have oh so much to talk about. How did you get Izzy to do it huh? Did you bribe him?" He took a step closer to me. "Maybe you forced him. Oh, and what about Blaise? Did you promise him a little something something to stay your friend," he says smiling evilly.

Suddenly I felt small. I wanted to disappear.

"You're worthless," he says as his face turned turns to one of disgust. "No one likes you. Not me. Not Carmie. Not Lottie. Not Izzy. Not even Blaise. No one in this school likes you, hell, no one in the fucking world likes you. Not even your father. Where did he go again? Didn't he leave? Probably because you're just a worthless, no good, faggot."