Fifty shades shattered

Heal my heart

Christian's POV:

We had dinner together and no one mentioned what had happened earlier between Ted and Sawyer, one look at Teddy and everyone realized that it wasn't something he'd want to talk about. We spent dinner just chatting around and getting to know each other more.

After my family left, I informed Ted and Phoebe of their new sleeping arrangements. They were both going to sleep in guest rooms since their rooms won't be ready until next week. Yesterday I wasn't thinking straight when I made them stay in there rooms, it was stupid of me, specially since both rooms were meant for children. Not teenagers who would barely fit in those tiny childish beds. Katy wanted to stay in Phoebe's old princess room as she called it, even though we all knew that she would end up in Theo's bed.

I couldn't sleep at all, every time I closed my eyes I saw images of Thoedore bleeding on the floor and jumped up. Everything Sawyer kept running in my mind until I just couldn't handle it. I needed to check on him, I needed to make sure that he was fine, not dead or injured. Running out of my room and towards his I was  shocked to find the room empty except for little Katy sprawled on the bed. There was no sign of Thedore in the room, I started my search for him only to hear melancholic sounds coming from the living room.

I stood by the door watching him, not wanting to intrude. To say I was shocked was an under statement. I felt like I was having an out of body experience, Ted was sitting the same way I used to, making his music speak for him. Translating his pain and sadness through the keys... Letting it all out.

He stopped the moment he spotted me by the door "sorry if I woke you up" he apologized quickly. "Don't worry, you didn't" i walked towards him and sat beside him. "Couldn't sleep?" I asked eventhough I knew the answer.
He shook his head and looked away hiding his tear stained face.

I saw so much of myself in him, but I didn't want him to go through what I went through. I didn't want him to hide all his pain away until it explodes. "You know, everytime I have a nightmare I come down here to play some songs. Nothing else calms me down." Except Ana. I said as I started slowly playing. I decided on talking to him, I am sure that by now he knows that I know. I want hime to be able to talk to me, to see that I know what he is feeling. That I am there for him, he doesn't have to act all strong infront of me. "You have nightmares?" He asked shocked.

"Yeah, all the time. I just woke up from one by the way. That's what brought me here." I said smiling sadly. "Ohh" is all he said.

"I don't know what is going through your head and I have no idea how you are feeling. But I want you to know that whatever it is you don't have to hide it from me. I have been through alot of things in my life and trust me I know a tortured soul when I see one." He looked at me startled and went to speak but I just put my finger up telling him to wait until I am over. This was the time to let it all out, the moment of truth.

"I know you are hurt, you might have survived that accident physically but your soul was crushed. I can see it in your eyes how much pain you are holding back, guilt and fear are always present there as well. I wish I know why, I wish I can help you. Ease things for you, I am ready to carry all your pain for you if you let me. I just want to help you, keeping your feelings locked away isn't healthy. Trust me, been there done that. When you hide your emotions behind a blank mask you just create a ticking bomb, something waiting to explode. So don't do that to yourself or to your mother or sisters, I know that you are trying to shield them from all this but it won't work."

By the time I finished talking he was shaking his head and looking away from me "I can't, I just, I can't". He kelt murmuring with a broken voice. This boy was falling apart in front of me while I stood watching. "You can and you will. To feel better you need to talk about it. You need to let it all out, you are just hurting yourself with all the secrets. Whatever it is I am here for you, I am more than ready to offer you a hand or just a crying shoulder." He was still looking away from me so I just turned his face towards me, tears were streaming down his face and he quickly pulled away and started drying them. I pulled his hands away from his face "Don't. Don't hide from me, it's okay to cry it doesn't make you weak or any less of a man. I cried a lot when I heard about what happened so trust me you have every single right to. Never be ashamed of your feelings or your tears they are what make you, you." I said as I felt a tear roll down my cheek as if to validate my words.

He took me by surprise when he pulled me into a hug and just broke down sobbing on my shoulder. His tears socked through my shirt but he kept going and I just held him tighter knowing that that's all he needed. Just someone to hold on to, someone to keep him grounded. 

"Please just don't leave them alone. Mom needs you, now more than ever. And the girls as well, please promise me you won't leave them alone. Whatever happens, don't give up on them. Please." He said as he buried his head on my shoulder. "I promise son, I made the mistake of leaving once and I won't make it again. Nothing will stop me from being there for you, all of you anymore." I murmured as I started passing my hand through his hair like Ana used to do with me.

That's how we spent the rest of the night with me holding him until he fell asleep. I didn't want to wake him up and I knew that if I tried to move him he would. So i just stayed as still as possible playing with his hair as he slept. I knew that his sleep was nothing peaceful, because he kept flinching and jumping up every once and a while but I just held him tighter. I will try my best to help my boy before it's too late. I will heal his heart the way his mother healed mine.

A.N:
Here you go a short chapter that shows how both Ted and Christian are dealing with their pain. Christian knows what it feels like to be in constant pain, he knows how it feels to hide it all away from everyone specially those close to you. That's why he might be more capable of helping Ted than Ana, from this chapter you can see how alike both of them are, so let's hope that Christian would be able to heal his boy's heart.