Fifty shades shattered

Struggling

Anastasia's POV:

I felt my heart break when my children decided to stay with their father. I know that I shouldn't think or feel that way specially since I am the one that convinced them to stay. Well, I Convinced Teddy which is the hardest and most stubborn one of the three. He seemed so adamant on going back with me but I had to change his mind. Despite all the pain that he made me go through, Christian doesn't deserve being ripped away from his kids. The pain in his eyes broke my already broken heart. He deserves a second chance with them, he might have wronged me but I believe that no one should be ripped away from their father. That's why I convinced Theodore into staying for a couple more days.

I can't believe that I am actually going back and leaving them here alone. Why am I taking such a risk? Would he hurt them the way he hurt me? Why, oh why?? All these question kept running through my mind the entire time I sat in bed. But whatever the question was I always came up with the same answer, it is simply because I'm tired of running. I'm tired of running away from him, from the past and even from myself.

The children need him in their lives. katy's questions always remind me that I somehow stole her father from her. I know how hard it is to grow fatherless so I couldn't let her go through that pain knowing that her father would be more than ready to take her in. Specially after I saw the way he was interacting and playing with her. I can't take that away from her because I know that I would be only hurting her more in the end.

As for Theodore I believe that his accident hurt him in a way that I can't even explain. But the one thing that I know is that he is still suppressing his emotions. Despite his nightmares and sadness he isn't willing to talk to anyone about it. He isn't willing to explain what happened that dreadful night no matter how much the detectives and psychiatrists pushed him into doing it.

I don't understand my son, and with his now damaged soul I feel like I lost him forever. He needs someone in his life, someone to lean on. He needs to understand that he doesn't have to act strong all the time, he has the right to break down just like any of us. He needs to realize that he is a human that is as fragile as the next person, if not more. But he believes that he has a duty towards his little family, towards the girls and me.. He believes that he has to stay strong to protect us from everything despite the fact that he is the one that was hurt the most.

I am wishing, no praying that Teddy sees in Christian the person he could lean on. The person he can hold on to as he lets go of his fake tough facade. I am hoping that he gives all the responsibility back to his father and start working on his issues. He needs to fight his demons and maybe distance is what he needs. Back in Denver everyone knows about what happened to him, everyone pity's him one way or another. He lost alot that dreadful night, not just his brother, his dream but he also lost himself.

I am hoping that this trip provides him with the strength he needs to pull himself together again and focus on his future. Ever Since the accident he lost track of the future and he seems to be living every day as it passes. I want my ambitious and determined son back, not this shell of the person that he used to be.

These reasons are enough to make me decide on leaving them in the care of their father as I head back and try to sort out the mess that I am in. The bills are more than just pilling up on me, who would have thought that a heart transplant would cost a fortune. I didn't want to worry the kids, but I am really stuck at a dead end. All the therapy sessions, doctors appointments, rehabilitation sessions and medications that I payed for the last couple of months drained me.

I didn't want the kids to feel the pressure, or force them into reducing their expenses for my sake so I held my tongue and tried to manage. Now that they will spend their spring break with their father, I can take a double shift at work and start working a little extra from home. This could double the pay and help me keep us afloat.

With Theodore's college around the corner the family's expenses are going to double and I don't know what I am going to do. His college fund was drained when I payed for the hospital, and all the money wasn't enough to cover all the expenses that drained all my saving account as well. Despite all this we were left with a couple of bills that I still need to sort out.

With all this in mind I drifted into sleeping wondering what tomorrow would bring.

A.N:
I know that this is the shortest chapter I ever posted BUT I AM very sorry. I promised you and update on Monday and I am not one to break a promise so here you go. I am sorry if the chapter is only a filler, but I could barely concentrate while writing it. I have a bad case of food poisoning and I am really to tired to even think straight. It's not edited so please point out any mistakes you find, and I will make it up to you with a long chapter soon. Sorry again