Fifty shades shattered

Home sweet Home

Theodore's POV:

I feel empty. Useless. Numb... I think I should feel sadness or pain but instead I feel nothing. One simple mistake took everything away from me.

I spent years planning for a future that was ripped away from me in a matter of seconds. I can't close my eyes because every time I do I see the collision again and again. As if it's a broken record repeating in my head. I remember every single detail about that day, things I wish I can forget.

Ever Since I left the hospital people have been coming here trying to be there for me. But all I see in their eyes is pity. I don't want their pity, I don't need it. I just want silence, I want to be alone. Is this too much to ask for. I don't want anyone saying he is sorry for me because well what happened wasn't anyone's fault so why should they be sorry.

Days are passing by in a blur. I just can't face my friends or team mates. I don't want to. So I have spending more and more time alone and away from everything. The only person that hasn't treated me differently since the accident is Katy. She still sees me as her strong big brother which pleases me. Everyone else is always babying me, it is starting to get on my nerves. Specially with mom, I get that she is worried but I am not a baby , I am more than capable of taking care of myself.

It's been a couple months now since the accident but I still have no idea about what my next step is going to be. My entire life I had one goal and that was taken away from me so now I am just trying to keep my head over the surface.

Everyone has gone back to their normal routine's now. Well everyone except for me. Phoebe is back with her team training for the national dancing championship. Katy is too busy playing around and imitating her older sister. Mom has thrown herself back to work. She has cut her hours a little but I know that the bills have gone higher specially that the insurance didn't cover the entire hospital bill. My medication is pretty expensive as well but she acts like everything is just fine whenever I ask her about it.

Now with the dream of scholarship gone I don't know what I am going to do about college. I may have been an athlete but I was one of the very few that got high grades. I am one of the top students of my class because to mom school always came first. So if by any chance I let my grades drop then basket ball wouldn't have been an option. That's one of her rules, it applies to all of us even Katy. I had applied to many colleges before but with the scholarship gone I know that all of the elite one's are out of my league. Even if mom would argue about that I know that college tuition would burden her even more. So I won't be going any where fancy anymore.

I feel like I am suffocating in this town. Everyone knows about what happened so everywhere I go people look at me like I am some pathetic human being that's going to break any moment. I hate that more than anything. I feel like leaving just to get away. I always hated going to college because that meant leaving mom and my girls alone but right now I can't wait to get away from all this. I want to go somewhere far and start fresh. A place where no one knows about my past... I really need that because I can't handle all this anymore.

While checking out college's I stumbled upon WSU and I liked it. The tuition fee isn't that high and it seems perfect to me. Just one problem is that it's near HIM. But for the first time in forever I don't care. I want to go check it out. Mom almost had a heart attack when I mentioned it but the moment she saw the determination in my eyes she knew she can't stop me. When I say I want to do something I do it. So in two days I will be going back to Seattle to check it out.

Mom couldn't let me leave and be on my own for a couple of days. Ever since the hospital she has been way overprotective she went into a momma bear state. No matter how much I tried to persuade her that I would be fine she didn't listen. But she can't take a break from work also she can't pull Phoebe and Katy away from school so she had no choice but to let me go. Unfortunately, she called Aunt Kate so that I would stay at her place while there and she would be with me. Fighting her about this was useless she is one frustrating stubborn woman.

So here I am riding in a plane heading back to the city that I called home for many years. Mom assured me that she talked to aunt Kate and that I won't be seeing him at any time during my stay. Mom doesn't want our worlds to get mixed with his anytime soon. At some points in my life I wished I still had him by my side. I needed my father many times but he was never there. I had to grow up and take care of the family at a very young age because of him. I hate him for breaking mom's heart as brutally as he did, but I still Imagine sometimes how different and easier our lives would have been if he was still there.

Standing in Seattle's international airport many emotions pass through me. It reminded me too much of the day we all ran away leaving everything behind. Aunt Kate was waiting for me there, I haven't seen her for a year or so. She engulfed me in one hell of a hug the moment she was close to me. The moment we broke apart she started throwing one question after the other asking about my health. Well too much for a new start...

The entire car ride she kept asking about everything and everyone back home. When we reached her house she helped me out telling me that no body was home at the time to give me space to unpack and settle down. She said that uncle Elliot was with my father in Aspen fishing so there is no risk of me meeting him. Sitting on the bed in the room she gave me I felt the enormity of the situation. I am sitting in a room in his brother's house. I am barely 10 minutes away from him and for a second I loved that.

Maybe we need him back in our lives. Ever since the accident I have felt that mom needs someone to share the burden with. She needs someone to be there for her and tell her that everything was fine. For the first time in my life I can't do it because I am not sure about it. I feel everything slipping away from mw so I am in no position to aid her. I haven't slept or eaten well ever since the surgery. The nightmares keep me up all the time and the medicine makes me nauseas so I have lost my appetite. I've been losing a lot of weight lately and dark circles have appeared under my eyes. So trust me I am in no condition to assure her that all is fine.

I unpacked and showered before heading downstairs. The moment I set foot on the last stair I found a girl and a boy sitting on the couch watching Tv. The girl turned towards me as aunt Kate came out of the kitchen "hey, I see you have met. This is Teddy Anna's son, and this is Ava my daughter." Ava stood up and went for a hand shake "hey Teddy" "It's Theodore not Teddy so please just call me Theodore." I said. I hated people calling me Teddy it made me feel like a baby and I don't need more of that. She just laughed and said "oh sorry, welcome Theodore. It suits you better anyways." A couple of minutes later we were both sitting on the couch talking like we have known each other for so long. The think I loved most is that no one but aunt Kate knew about my condition. So this was the first time in forever that I had a conversation with someone without detecting pity in his eyes.
That's how I spent the night in the city I was born. I sat on the window of the room and kept gazing at the lights of the city all night long. Deep down I somehow missed it here. I spent a huge part of my childhood in this city which hold many of my happiest memories.