Fifty shades shattered

NO secrets left

Ana's  POV:

I sat there staring at Christian who was glaring at my wrist and probing it by his fingers making me wince every now and then. My silence seems to test his patience for he suddenly roars out "fucking answer the damn question Anastasia?? who the hell did this?" as all warmth disappears from his face and rage takes over his body.

"pl-please calm down" I stutter out, for the first time I actually fear Christian. Despite knowing that his rage isn't directed towards me I still flinch away from him when he pulls his hand up to run through his hair. "I won't fucking calm down when you are defending the fucker that hurt you" he says trying to control his voice after seeing me visibly flinch and shrink away from him.

"I will tell you who if you just calm down, please." I say as I feel my tears cascading down my cheeks. "Fine" he grunts out as he sits down and takes deep breaths trying to control his anger. A few minutes of silence pass, with only the sound of our erratic heartbeats.

"So who was it?" he asks cutting the tense silence in the kitchen. "Who was the fucker that dared to lay a hand on your delicate wrist" he grits out. "Christian, please now is not the time for this." I say not wanting to tell him. "Anastasia answer the damn question" he says getting mad again. I sigh in defeat as I mutter "Teddy" the whole kitchen gasps in shock as Christian screams "what????"

"Calm down please, let me explain" I say softly trying once again to calm a raging Christian. "what happened??? why would he do something like this?" he asks as he paces near me. "You know that he had a nightmare last night right?" I ask even though I already know the answer. They all nod their heads in unison waiting for me to continue. "Well he gets violent when he has a nightmare. He was thrashing hard in bed so when I tried to calm him he clutched my wrists and started squeezing and scratching them" I say as I stare at my blue wrists. "Oh my god" I hear Mia says just as I feel some one taking my wrist away and rubbing it softly. "Why didn't you tell me?" asks Elliot "I could have helped you calm him" he says looking at me sadly. "I-I didn't want to worry you and by the time I walked in the room it was kind of late" I say.

"Ana are you sure that he was having a nightmare and not a panic attack?" asks Ethan as I his therapist personality comes to surface. "yeah, trust me a panic attack is much worse. This was definitely a nightmare" I say as a shiver runs down my spine as I recall the panic attack he once had. Let's  just say it took 4 doctors and 3 nurses to calm him down. "for how long has this been happening?" Ethan asks again "A couple of months" I say as I hear Christian mumble "oh Ana..." and pull me close to him. As much as I want to push him away right now, I can't, I am physically drained that I am actually incapable of raising my arms to push him away. He seems to notice my discomfort from his touch so he pulls away making me sigh in relief.

"What triggered it" Grace asks she scoots closer to me "umm, let's just say that he has had a rough couple of months" I say trying to evade telling them about the accident that mentally killed my son and left him a shattered soul. "Ana I know that you don't want to tell us but right now I think we should know. What if  something happens when you are not here. we need to know in order to be able to deal with the situation properly." Christian says

The moment I open my mouth to protest he continues talking "Ana we both know that I can easily find out what happened whether you want me to tell me or not, but I'd rather know from you than from anybody else. He is my son too, I have the right to know what happened to him." he says looking at me pleadingly but with his determined grey orbs gazing directly into my soul. "I-I will tell you what I know." I say and see him let out a sigh of relief as he nods his head as sign for me to continue "He was in a car accident about 6 months ago" I say trying hard to calm my self, for this is the first time I'm telling the story to someone, and not just anyone I'm telling Christian Grey about his very own son's almost deadly accident.  I look away from all of them as I try to stop my tears and steady my voice. Grace, Mia and Kate all have tears running down their cheeks as they clutch to their partners like their life depends on it. Oh how I wish I could just hold Christian like this, but now is not the time to reminisce about the past.

"He was in the car with his friend at the time, the car was hit in the drivers side so Sam took most of the hit" I say as tear surface again. Christian suddenly pulls me back to a hug as he rubs my back smoothly. "Shhh baby, it's alright. Please  just go on" he says softly as he keeps his soothing treatment to my back. his comforting touch gives me the boost to continue the story. "I don't know how the accident happened exactly, all I know is that Sam died on impact" I say as sobs start wracking my body. "ohh dear lord" says Grace as she starts weeping hard into Carrick's chest. "as for Teddy he took a blow to the chest which caused some complications that lead us to where we are now" I say. "What do you mean a blow to his chest?" Mia asks as Grace  looks directly at me waiting for details.

I'm sorry Teddy, I'm sorry for betraying your trust like this but I have to tell them. He is going to find out anyways so I'd rather tell him myself. I say in my heart sending a whispered apology to my dear son whose secrete I am exploiting now. "He had internal bleeding, I don't remember the exact medical terms actually."  I say. "all I remember is that he had some left ventricular damage that induced a heart attack" I say as memories of him laying still and cold on that dreadful hospital bed plague my mind. I can feel Christian's hand still it's motion as he starts taking deep breaths again obviously trying to calm himself. I move my eyes towards his, only to find them watery as hot tears roll down his cheeks. "please go on" says Grace when she sees the pained look in her son's eyes. "they had to do a heart transplant in order to save his life" I say sobbing. "oh my god, that poor boy." Grace says as she cries harder. "The important thing is that he is here now, safe and sound" kate says trying to calm us all, everyone nods their heads in agreement except for Christian who says "safe but not sound".

I sadly nod my head  at his words agreeing with him. Yes Teddy is alive and for this I am more than thankful. But Teddy is no way in peace with his life, that night ruined him emotionally as it stripped him off his very essence of being a human. "So the panic attacks and nightmares started after the accident?" asks Ethan pulling me out of my dark thoughts. "Yeah, he has his first panic attack a couple hours after he woke up and found out that his friend died. he started screaming and kicking in bed. it took alot of people to pin him down so that the doctor could sedate him." I say remembering that night.

"the nightmares followed directly after, he would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and mumbling "I'm sorry" or "it should have been me" " I say recalling the many times I woke up to  his screams in the middle of the night. "that's why he barely sleeps" Christian mumbles out. I sadly nod his head at his words, my baby has been avoiding sleep a lot since the accident.

"did you try to talk to him about it?" Ethan asks again. "off-course we did" I say recalling all the therapists that I dragged to his hospital room hoping to help. "I tried every single therapist in Denver but to no avail, he refused to talk about what actually happened that night." I say and hear Christian groan as he pulls his hand through his hair stress-fully. "so what now? what are you planning on doing?" asks Kate after a tense silence engulfs us. "I have no choice left, all these nightmares are putting too much pressure on his heart, he won't be able to handle this anymore." I say. "But Ana the consequences are severe, can you take this risk??" she asks again as worry fills her eyes. "I have no other choice. I have to do this. That's the only way."