Avengers Texts

Part 45: 50 More Life Rules For Thor (And A Referenced Event)

34. YOU CAN'T FORCE CLINT TO TURN ON EVERY LIGHT SWITCH BEFORE YOU ENTER A ROOM JUST BECAUSE HIS LAST NAME IS BART-ON. 

35. PUTTING A KITTEN ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE WEARING A HAT. 

36. SUBWAY DOES NOT COME FROM MARS. 

37. CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY IS NOT THE NAME OF A BRANCH OF FEDEX. 

38. SALAD DRESSING ISN'T A CONSPIRACY MADE BY THE LIZARD GOVERNMENT...? WHAT...? 

39. YES. YES, YOU DO CONFUSE ME, THOR. SO DON'T THROW TOMATOES AT PASSING CARS. 

40. AND CONCERN ME. DID I MENTION THAT? NO? WELL, I SHOULD HAVE. YOU CONCERN ME. I'M CONCERNED. ABOUT YOU. 

41. THE SMILE ON AMAZON BOXES CAN'T EAT YOU ALIVE. 

42. TWITTER ISN'T A RARE KIND OF BIRD. 

43. THE LIZARD GOVERNMENT PROBABLY WON'T STEAL ALL YOUR TAXES AND PAPERWORK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. 

44. A SPOON IS NOT A CLASSIFIED WEAPON. 

45. OK, TIME OUT. WHAT EVEN IS THE LIZARD GOVERNMENT? CHILL THE FRICK OUT, DUDE. 

46. CLEVERBOT IS JUST REALLY REALLY TERRIFYING. IT KNOWS EVERYTHING. STAY AWAY FROM IT. AT. ALL. COSTS. 

47. YES, THAT SHADE OF LIPSTICK DOES SUIT YOU, THOR. 

48. THE TV DOES NOT HAVE BUTTERFLIES INSIDE OF IT. 

49. THE GREEN COLORED PENCIL ISN'T A MONSTER THAT LIVES UNDER YOUR BED. 

50. THE COMPUTER ISN'T A PLACE MAT. JUST STOP. I'M DONE- NOPE. I'M DONE. 

Tony: OK, THOR, HOW MANY OF THOSE NOTES TO YOU NEED 

Tony: TO UNDERSTAND 

Tony: THAT YOU CAN'T 

Tony: USE 

Tony: THE 

Tony: FRONT 

Tony: DOOR 

Tony: AS 

Tony: A 

Tony: SURFBOARD?! 

Thor: I APOLOGIZE. IT SEEMED LOGICAL AT THE THE MOMENT. 

Natasha: Just go to sleep. 

Clint: But it's only 1 in the afternoon. 

Natasha: Do you remember what happened yesterday? 

Bruce: You're welcome for stopping that with my incredibly superior intelligence. 

Wanda: I don't know, that Star Lord guy seemed pretty cool. 

Peter: But he accidentally destroyed my homework. 

Tony: Relax. I did your homework for you. 

Peter: Why thank you. 

Bruce: Why is nobody recognizing how smart I am? 

Natasha: The point is, we can actually sleep now. Which is good. 

Clint: He also took Deadpool with him on accident. 

Clint: Should we be concerned about that? 

Bruce: How positively rude of all of you. 

Natasha: Shhh 

Natasha: He'll be fine 

Natasha: Now, I need to sleep 

Tony: WAIT DON'T CLOSE THIS 

Natasha: *whispers* lettuce 

-The chat has been closed-

Hello, readers. I bet you were all probably expecting Part 44, you know, like usual. 

HAHAHAHAHAAA 

Nope. 

(Aren't I just the best? You expect something relatively normal and then I just smash in here with all my Marvelous glory and then go hide in a corner and be caw-nfused with what I'm doing with my life. Lettuce just Lo-ki wonder about if I'm fully sane or not. I'm Thor I'll be fine, I just Wanda few minutes to collect myself. Don't get all Fury-ous at me about these pun-derful puns in the meantime, though. I don't want people yelling at me in Cap-s lock. Woah. Calm down there, just Buck-y up a step there. I'm being sent into a state of Stark terror. 

Ok, I think I'm done now. I'm pretty Peter'd out at this point. Just please don't wish for me to fall roman-off the side of a cliff or anything.) 

(What's even going bart-on any more)