Fall Down, Fall Down

They Don't Need to Understand

**Dez POV**

I lean up against the bus and take a deep breathe before going inside. I had to calm myself down before I saw Vic. I need to tell him what happened. He's going to hate me but I can't.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Okay, I can do this. It'll be okay. I take one more deep breathe and walk onto the bus.

I pause at the bunk and hear Vic breathing softly. He looks so peaceful sleeping with his mouth slightly open. His hair in his eyes.

I walk towards the bathroom and decide to get cleaned up first. I lock the door behind me and look at myself in the mirror.

My eyes are shining bright and my cheeks slightly flushed. I remember Kellin and his sweet kisses. A smile spreads across my face.

STOP! I yell at myself. What is wrong with me? I have a great guy!

I jump into the shower and lean against the wall letting the water run down my body. Kellin's face pops into my mind and the sad look as he said he loved me. How did I mess this up so bad? Why am I such a fuck up?

I catch a glimpse of a beautiful old friend left by one of the guys, no doubt from shaving. I stare at it feeling the urge. Needing the release.

I slowly pick it up and run it across my thigh. I see a faint line of red before the water washes it away. I make line after line, feeling the tension melt away as I take out all my self loathing on my leg. Theres a sharp stinging where the water hits the fresh cuts but I welcome the pain.

A knock on the door startles me.
"Mi Amor? Everything okay?"

Oh no! Vic! I look down at my leg.

"Yeah, be right out." I respond.

I finish up and dry myself off. I take a deep breathe and make sure the bleeding has stopped. As I approach the bunk, I try to think what I'm going to say.

"Hey, Mi amor." Vic pulls me toward him onto the bunk. "I missed you." He whispers as he wraps me in his arms and places a soft kiss on my lips. I turn away slowly.

"What's wrong?" I need to tell him now before I lose my nerve. My eyes start to water but I blink it away.

"Vic I -" I pause.

"Whatever it is. I'm here for you. I love you and I don't want anything to hurt you!"

He's staring at me with so much worry and concern in those big coffee brown eyes. My heart hurts just thinking of how much I have to say is going to hurt this wonderful guy. "What's is it?"

"Nothing I just was feeling kinda dizzy and sick after I came back. I didn't want to bother you." I'm such a coward but sometimes it's better to lie.

I can't hurt Vic. He's too sweet. I just need to make sure this doesn't happen again. I needed to stay away from Kellin.

"Do you still feel sick?" Yeah, sick of the things I've done and lies I'm telling.

"A little."

"Well get some rest then." He pulls me closer to him as I lay my head on his chest and close my eyes. In his arms I felt so safe. how could I ever choose Kellin over Vic? I slowly felt my body relax as I fell into dreamland. I feel him place a soft kiss on my head and whisper "Løve you, Dez" as I drift off to sleep.

I wake up later disoriented as hell. I feel something vibrating and quickly realize its my phone. I move my hand around trying to locate it and push the button without looking.

"Yeah."

"Hey, sleeping beauty!" I hear Kellin laugh.

Shit! I'm not ready for this. I panic and hang up the phone. It starts vibrating again and Kellin's name pops up and I juat hit ignore. It vibrates yet again. Damn he's not gonna give up.

I hear a knock on the bus door and go to open it. As I open it, I am assaulted by Kellin's lips on mine. My lips move against his as he closes the door then I realize what's going on and push him away.

"We can't do this" I say breathlessly.

He leans in again to kiss me and I push him again. "Stop!"

"What? You don't want to kiss me?"
He places his lips on mine again. I push him away. "How do you even know Vic isn't here?"
"Cuz I just saw him go into a photo shoot and interview which means you were all alone and I couldn't stop thinking of you all night." He pulls me to him and kisses me again holding my body against his.

I try to resist but it's no good I feel myself relax against his body as my lips give in. "We can't do this" I mumble against his lips.

"Yes we can." Something about him I just cant resist.

He pushes me toward the sitting area and onto the couch laying me down with him on top of me. He continues kissing me as his hands roam down my side and rest on my hip. He moves his lips down kissing my neck causing goosebumps to break out all over.

"Someone likes that." He laughs as I turn beet red and try to hide my face with my arm. He moves it away.

"Dont. Its cute. I love that I have that effect on you." He kisses my lips softly. He continues kissing me so tenderly for I don't know how long and I admit I don't want this moment to end. He pulls away and presses his forehead to mine. "See how amazing that is. Why do you have to fight me all the time."

"Because this is wrong, Kells."

"But why is it wrong? You care about me and I care about you."

"I'm with Vic, though and he's your best friend." He sighs and kisses me again more passionately than before.

I wrap my hands around his neck and tangle my hands in his hair. I feel his tongue asking for entrance and I grant him that. He deepens the kiss.

As the kiss gets more intense, I forget about everything around us or where we are. I'm so lost and caught up in Kellin's lips that I don't hear the bus door open or the footsteps on the bus steps.

"What the hell?!" I hear suddenly and I realize its too late, we've been caught.