Not Good Enough (Falling in Reverse and Escape the Fate FanFic)

27. This Is So Not My Home Anymore

Carter's POV: 

I hate this bed. I hate these walls. I hate this ceiling. I hate this floor. I hate this light. I hate this pillow. I hate these sheets. I hate this room. I hate this house. I hate this city. I hate being here. I hate Jacen for kissing my boyfriend. (Ronnie told me. I'm glad he's honest, but I'm still pissed at her) 

I hate it all. 

I hate my mother. 

Mostly my mother.  

She pretended to be nice once. Then the true her showed once again. She told me she hated my existence and that I had the audacity to even step foot into her house. She adores Max though. She checks on him every ten minutes. Gives him whatever he asks for, and even cooked his favorite breakfast. She glares at me when I even enter the kitchen if her precious Maxy boy is in there. 

It's weird. 

She said she hated me because she thought I'd end up like Max, and yet she treats him as the center of her world. 

I don't get it. 

But like I said, she's with him every second of the day. And hates when I'm around. So it is currently the second week I've gone without talking to my brother face to face. 

And it's literally killing me. 

I wanted to get clean with him. I wanted to be there for him through this. And I wanted him there for me. But my mother won't allow that. She's ripped me and my brother apart. I don't think I can go a third month here. Max was one of the last things keeping me sane. And she's taken that too. Sure I've got Ronnie, FIR, ETF, and even Nasty. But my brother was the one piece of my shattered family I had left, and she's taking him. He knows it too. He's tried to talk to her but she shushes him and won't hear it.  

I'm leaving. 

I'm done trying to work it out with her. I'll get clean at home. With Ronnie by my side. The way it should've been this whole time. I was stupid to have come here. And now the boys have left on tour and I'm alone until they get back. But it's okay. I'm used to being by myself. It's always been me against the world. Always. I've tried to tell myself that Max or insert generic friend here would be the for me, but no. I've been lying to myself for too long. It's just me. And it'll always be me. Ronnie will be there but who knows how long. And my mother won't let me have Max. And the guys all have their own lives and can't be worried about me or be there for me like I'd need them to be. I'm going home. 

Wherever that is. Whoever that's with. All I know is that's where I need to be. And this house, this city, this room, and these people are no longer my home. 

All I've got to do is find it. 

Shouldn't be too hard right? 

Find home... My mission. 

One that I'll actually complete. 

This mission includes, getting back my brother, keeping Ronnie, getting clean, land a job, and basically stabilize myself. Stable. Nice and calm. All I need is normal. All I've been searching for my whole life is normal. And this is my chance to get it. 

I threw my blankets off me and went to my closet. I pulled it open and stuffed all my clothes into my suitcases. I grabbed my make up from the bathroom and my keys off of my dresser. I got all my chargers and my iPod, laptop, and phone too. I quickly dialed Ronnie. 

"Hello?" he asked in a sleepy voice. Lazy fuck, it's 2 in the afternoon! 

"Hey babe." I answered 

"Carter? What's up?" he asked, his voice immediately losing any trace of sleep. 

"I was calling to let you know I'm leaving mom's. I'm still going to be getting clean, but I can't do it here. Not with her." I said gathering all my items onto my bed before slipping on my hoodie as well as my vans.