Not Good Enough (Falling in Reverse and Escape the Fate FanFic)

21. Yes. I am Crying Over Shoes. Thank you.

Okay. Sorry it's short. I typed this whole thing on my phone for I am still grounded, but I wanted to get a chappy out for ya'll. This chapter was a little hard to write because the thing with "Adri" was actually a real event that occurred in my life. I felt I needed to share her story. The shoes are actually a real part of my life too. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks. 

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Carter's POV: 

Oh no. Oh yes, but oh no. No, no, no, no, no. 

It's Friday. 

The Friday. 

My date with Ronnie Friday. 

This is bad. 

This is so incredibly good. But so terribly bad. 

I'll be honest. I'm scared. I'm happy that I get to go, but I'm scared. Scared of so many things. Scared Max will find out. Scared Ronnie doesn't like me. Scared he lied about everything we said to each other. Scared I'll say something wrong. Scared he'll say something wrong. What if he wants to kiss again and I'm not ready? What if he wants to go farther than I'm willing? What if I say no? Will he still respect that? Or will he get mad and hate me? What if this isn't love? What if I'm just being naive and letting him lead me on? What if I'm leading him on? What if I go to kiss him and he doesn't want to? 

What if... What if. Stop with the what ifs!  

What if you choke on your food and die. 

What if the zombie apocolypse starts during diner and Ronnie get bitten? 

A million bad things could happen. But a million more good things could happen too. 

so enough with the what ifs. And the fears. I shall get dressed and be happy tonight. Even if it doesn't go well. Maybe I just need a little push of happy. A pinch bit of luck. I stop the pacing I've been keeping up this whole time and walk to my closet. I dig around piles of shoes and reach the back corner. Where an old ratty converse box sits. I grab the box out and set it on my bed. I pull open the lid and smile at it's contents. My old ratty lime green converse. I've had these things since 8th grade. Seriously. My smile gets wider as I see all the things that had been written over them throughout the years. My smile evaporates and tears form as I see one saying in particular. 

"i love your smile. And I hope this helps it stay there. Carter, I love you. No matter what we go through, we will always be there for one another. Now, go. Go and smile that beautiful smile. Love Adri." 

Love Adri. 

I run my fingers over the faded words written in sharpie from so many years ago. So, so many years ago. Back when she was around. Back before that night. That one night that I would give my life to go back to and change what we did. Change all that was said. And done. Everything that led to her undoing. That led to a dumb decision. One mistake was all it took to snatch my best friend from me. 23 seconds of pure excitement for a lifetime of pain and sorrow. 

That night. 

That one night that caused her life to end. And ripped all the joy I've ever owned from me. I should explain. 

It was my 8th grade year. I was 14. She was too. We walked home from school together. I dropped her off at her house 3 blocks away from mine. It was a longer walk to take her home. That annoyed my mom. We got into it the second I walked through the door. Most of that fight is a blur now. There was yelling. Lots and lots of yelling. My fist went through a wall. I remember that. Her open hand colliding with my face. I remember that too. I was so angry. So incredibly pissed off. I grabbed my bag and stuffed my phone, iPod, makeup, and some clothes into it. I slammed the door on my way out. I remember my mom yelling after me, yelling that she was sorry. She took it back. Begging for me to turn around and go back inside. Inside the safety of that house. Looking back I should have. I really should have. But I didn't. I kept walking. And walking. I made my way to Adriannah's house. She opened the door and hugged me tight. Not letting go. We hung out in her room a little while. But I got a text. Asking if I wanted to go to a party. I said yes. I made Adri go with me. 

We made it to the party without incident. It was my first party. Not Adri's though. We danced, and drank. It was my first drink. Not Adri's though. She did it all the time. We went upstairs with some highschoolers. They led us to a room. A room where little baggies of who-knows-what wer set out on the table. Next to needles. Then I noticed the neat lines of white powder lined up on the table as well. 

"Adri, this is a bad idea." I whispered in her ear as we sat down on the couch in front of the table. 

"Don't be a prude." Adri said before grabbing the rolled up dollar that was laid neatly next to the first line of white powder. 

"Fine." I said also picking up a dollar. Adri went first. Snorting up every molecule of the line before her and sitting back with a laugh, nugding me to do the same. I nodded and went down, covering one side of my nose. Next thing I remember I was in pure bliss. So happy. All my problems melted away. All my common sense went away. Not in the mindset to say no to anything. Adri's done it all before. I can too. Heroine. That's what the needles were for I was told. Adri took a needle. So I did too. Adri took another one. And another. I didn't. I couldn't. I looked over at her. Lifeless. Gone. She was gone. Her beautiful dark brown eyes lacking any sparkle. Any joy. All the pain she held. It was gone. Her skin was cold. 

"Adri?" I said, already knowing she was gone. 

"Adri...." I whispered suddenly sobering up enough to know I had to do something. But I couldn't. All I knew was that my bestfriend, my sister, was dead. I recall someone calling 911. I kissed her cold and pale forehead before leaving. I left. I went to the park and cried. I cried for hours. I cried myself to sleep. The next morning I woke up and wondered. I wondered until the sun began to go down again. Then I went home. I didn't say a word to my mother as I walked in. We didn't speak for a week. That's when things got bad. The drugs, everything. All started because of that night. One night. I was wearing thses shoes that night. 

"Carter?" someone asked quietly from behind me. I turned to see Ronnie's brown eyes burning with concern. 

"hey Ronnie." I tried to say happily but failing miserably. 

"What's wrong?" he asked stepping closer and wiping away the stray tears that fell to my face. 

"These shoes." I said nodding to the shoes that I was holding. 

"What about them?" he asked, still using a quiet voice as if not to scare me. 

"They used to be good luck for me. But I forgot about how much pain they arried as well. I'd rather not tell you the story. To be honest, no one knows all of it. Not my mom, and not Max." I told him, wiping the remainder of my tears away. 

"Ah. I see. Well, I'm always your shoulder to cry on. Okay?" he said, looking me dead-on in my eyes. I couldn't help but smile. 

"Yes. Of course. Thank you so much Ronnie. Now leave so I an get dressed!" I said shoving him and lauging a little to lighten the mood. It worked. 

"Okay, okay. Just make it snappy." He said snapping his fingers just because he knows I hate it. I smiled and shoved him all the way out my room shuting and locking the door behind him. He makes everything better. Even the most tragic things that have happened in my life. He still manages to make me smile.  

That is until I went to put my shoes on. 

Something was in it. 

My breath hitched and my heart stopped as my hand reached in and closed around a baggie. I knew what it was before I pulled it out. 

Oxycontin.