Not Good Enough (Falling in Reverse and Escape the Fate FanFic)

24. Is This Good, or Bad? And Why Does it Feel so Right?

Carter's POV: 

Ronnie. 

Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie. 

Why do I think of him so much? 

Okay, dumb question, since I know the answer already.  

Better question: Why him? 

Why me? 

Why must I be the hopeless romantic in this story? 

Is there a happy ending for me and this guy? 

A rockstar. 

Ex-druggie. 

Covicted felon. 

Love of my life. 

Soooo ignore the last one. 

Ronald Joesph Radke. 

So many questions, absolutely no answers. 

Story of my life. 

Well, I'll stop my mind-wondering pity party type thing long enough to explain something. 

Hello. I'm in my room. It's the day after I found Max in his fucked up state. Also it's been 24 hours since I've had any Oxy. Or seen my Ronnie. 

I hear Craig talking to Max. They'll come see me any moment I'm guessing. 

"Carter? It's Craig.... And Max." he said timidly from my door. Told you so. 

"Hey Craig. Come on in." I said groggily rolling over and sitting up on my bed. 

Craig walked in wearing a sorrowful smile. Pulling a grumpy and very hungover Max behind him. 

"Imma leave you two to talk. But I'll be right outside the door if you need me. He's been kinda violent. I think it's withdrawal." Craig said motioning his head towards Max. Who scoffed. 

"Oh. So you know about the drugs?" I asked stepping over to him and passed a irritated Maxwell. 

"Yeah. Kinda a hard thing to hide." he said. I internally cringed. He didn't know about my drugs. They didn't. No one but Ronnie and Max did. I felt bad, but I ant say anything yet. Not ready. Yeah, keep tellin yourself that Carter. 

"Agreed. Okay, well I'll talk to him. I'll let you know if I need you." I told him. 

"Okay, just be sure to tell me if he gets out of hand." Carig said looking over to Max. Who scoffed again and spoke 

"Wow guys. Way to talk like I'm not in the room. And really Craig? You think I will try to hurt my own fucking sister? Yeah, you're a good friend." he took a step closer to Craig. I stepped back. I've seen Max in withdrawal before. It's not a safe thing. 

I looked at Craig and noted a brewing black eye. And a few other bruises. Dammit Max. Violence solves nothing. 

"Max. Don't you dare accuse Carig of being a bad friend. He loves you. If he didn't he wouldn't be putting up with your shit. Now please calm down and sit so we can talk." he sighed heavily and sat down. Craig nodded and left, shutting the door behind him. 

"Max I nee-" he cut me off 

"You're such a fucking hypocrite." he spat at me. 

"Look I know -" he cut me off again 

"Shut up. I don't wanna hear your shit. You sit there all high and mighty around Craig when you and I both know you are the exact same as me. No one cares though, just cause you aren't in the band. In case you didn't notice, no one here really cares about you. Just Ronnie. But only cuz you're new. He'll get over you soon enough, and on to the next thing. He may look like he's changed, but I've known this guy since highschool. Nobody ever really changes. Look at you and me. Still the same fuck ups dad left and mom hates. We are unwanted, you even more than me. We used to always have ech other. But you messed that up. You want your brother back? Admit your drug abuse to the house. Until then, don't talk to me." he stood and left. I heard Craig trying to talk to him. Obviously it didn't work because after a few seconds I heard his room door slam from the floor below me. I walked to my door shutting and locking it.  

"Carter open up, it's Craig." he knocked and knocked. I didn't answer. 

Not for Monte, Jacen, or Robert when they came either. 

Then Ronnie showed up. 

"Carter hun. Open the door. Please don't do anything stupid." I looked at the door, then down to my hand that was holding my blade. I dropped it immediately. Running to the door and yanking it open hugging him in my arms. 

"Ronnie, it's Max. He hates me cuz I won't tell the house I'm on drugs. He says if I want him back I need to get help with him. I don't wanna Ronnie! I can't, I just, can't." I sobbed into his chest. 

"You know it's the right thing though Carter." he answered after I almed down a bit. 

"I know, I know. God, what do I do?!" I pounded his chest hoping it would help answers explode out of him. All I want is answers! Is that so hard!? 

"Get help." he answered simply, holding me at arms length. 

"Any other suggestions?" I asked looking into his brown eyes that seemed to hold more pain than I ould ever understand. 

"Nope." he said popping the "p".  

"Seriously. Give me something else." I said 

"No. It's the truth." he answered 

"I don't wanna hear the truth!" I screamed at him writhing away from his grip. 

"I don't care. You need to hear it!" he screamed right back. 

You see? 

This is why I love him. 

He can be tough without being mean. But I'm a bitch who always wants, and gets, her way. So I'll get it. 

"You know what Ronald? Take your truth and fuck yourself with it. I don't want it so take it and get out of my room." I pointed him towards the door. He sighed and said a little too casually. 

"Are you high right now sweetheart?" I hate this. Why is he so kind!? And yeah, maybe I'm a little high but not too bad! 

"Maybe a little..." I answerd avoiding eye contact and staring at the ground. I felt his hand go to my chin and lift my head so I'd look at him. He pressed his soft warm lips to mine before pulling away and saying 

"I need you to get help. Max does too. So just do it." and he walked out, closing the door gently behind him. Oh my god. His kisses..... 

Wait. 

He left.  

Again 

I'm starting to hate encounters with Ronald. 

Yep. 

Keep lying Carter. 

It'll keep you human. 

It'll keep you happy. 

More importantly, 

It'll keeps me sane. 

And sanity is a luxury I cannot afford to throw away right now.