Sometimes I get lost.
I don't know where my life is heading,
And honestly, that terrifies me.
Does anyone else out there feel that no matter what decisions they make,
It won't change the outcome in the end?
The sky has been grey lately.
I observe it quietly, wondering why I got dealt the cards I did.
My mind is absent most of the time nowadays.
I just can't focus.
Time blurs around me constantly.
No matter how long I think,
My mind is never clear.
It's this cycle with links made from titanium.
Indestructible.
Its centrifugal force throws my thoughts into shaky motion.
And the pictures that I see in my head...
I want them out.
But they're always there.
Horrible, graphic endings.
The motion makes me feel ill.
But it's all in my mind.
It's not real.
On the outside, you'd never be able to tell the difference.
Not like anyone knows me well enough to tell the difference anyway.
And here I am again.
I've revolved around to the beginning.
I think about how my life ends.
No amount of thinking nor imagining is going to change the fact that I don't know.
I'll never know until it happens.
And that's what rocks me to my core.
I can't accept the fact that I don't know what's going to happen in the future.
I don't like leaving anything to chance.
So I'm going to be caught in this cycle until I know.
And the images play again.
And I feel cold tears run down my face.
And I think to myself that no one even knows what's happening to me.
And then, finally, I know my future.
And the motion stops.
I take the final step off the railing and feel myself fall.
