Filled With Pain ©

Chapter 5

“Grandmama. Look.” I pointed to my hair which was literally just a bush on the top of my head.

“What about it honey? You look beautiful.”

“Lying is a sin, did you know that?” I said. “Can you do something to it?” I asked her.

“Sit down.” She came down a little later with hair products.

“Maw, do you think those British students gon’ like me? Cos I aint want to hit no one on my first day.” I stated.

“Young lady you will do no such thing.”  I laughed “What do you want me to do to your hair?”

“Can you put gel in it or su’in? Only on one side though. Then I don’ know uhm. ...Make the top bit curl over?”  I asked and she nodded.   

“Your hair needs anointing.”

“That’s not nice maw maw. You hurt my feelings.”

“My friend shut up!”

“Oh that is so cool you sound African!” I said getting happy.

“Maybe cos I’m from Africa.”

“Really? Maw maw, I feel so bad saying this but where are we from? You know me and Ramel?”

“What how can you not know?”  She asked in shock.

“Well...ma didn’t really want us to know I guess...I’m sorry.” I apologized.

“No need to apologize, I’m just shocked. Well your grandfather is from Barbados. I’m from Nigeria and Ghana. So your mothers half Bajan and a quarter Ghanaian and Nigerian.”

“Uhm...I’m confused but Aite. You know where my pops from?”  I asked as she finished up with my hair.

“Colombia. I don’t want to sound rude, but your father is a...uhm...”

“A mad man? A crack head? A murderer? A drug dealer? Tell me something I don’ already know.” It hurt to know that my dad had thrown his life away. According to my ma, my pops was smart finished school and went to Princeton University.      

“I wasn’t exactly going to say that but...” I interrupted her.

“Sorry for interrupting you mama, but I aint got time for this. My pops is a failure. Aite? He wants me and Ramel to be just like him so we gon have to prove him wrong.” By now tears were falling from my eyes. “I love my daddy and all but woow...Thank God for waterproof makeup. I’m gon’ be late for my first day of school.”   I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror in the living room.

“Thanks for alla this maw’. You made my hair look hot.” I put my snapback on and pulled my black doc martens on.

“What is it with you and those horrid boots?”  Grandma asked while pointing at them.

“GotDamn it Maw!” I said in shock. “Don’t hate the player, hate the game. Hating on my swag.”  I kissed her on her cheek. “We’ll make our way home.” 

I checked myself over before leaving.

I hated the uniform.

Blazer, white blouse, tie, elastic skirt or trousers, and tights.

I had rolled the sleeves of my blazer up and my skirt was about mid thigh.

I stepped outside to see Ramel talking to some girl that was making her way to school.

“Ayo Girl, where you been all my life?”  Ramel said to the girl.

“Uhm...can I help you?” She asked.