Dear Jimin

Chapter 19

"Smile for me, hyung."

There it was again, that pain in his heart whenever Jungkook held him close, and guilt tagging along because he couldn't give Jungkook the amount of love he deserved, and it stuck to him; that familiar feeling called guilt wasn't leaving.

It wasn't leaving anytime soon and it planned on sticking around like scars on his skin, like Jungkook giving him at least eighteen phone calls the day after, on a Thursday afternoon, and Jimin felt guilt clinging onto him like a bestfriend because he didn't even spare even a minute to answer to at least one of them - didn't answer to any of them just because he didn't know what to think, didn't know if he'd actually go visit her on a Friday night when he could just distract himself and find something better to do than embarrass himself in front of her. Not answering Jungkook's calls made him want to lock himself up in his own room because what would he say to him when he hears the younger one on the other end of the line, 'Should I go meet her?' when it was evident that Jungkook didn't want him to?

And now it was a Friday, the day he's been waiting, yet, dreading to come. Still feeling confused, he stopped by his locker, putting a hand on it and letting out a heavy sigh; a sigh he hoped would let out all the negativity, all the problems, and perhaps the memories of him telling his brother not to let Jungkook in their house the day before, on a Thursday night, after all those phone calls, even though the day prior to that was Jungkook having fun with Jihyun and them playing video games and the house filled with laughter; he felt bad hearing Jihyun complain why Jungkook couldn't go in, even just for a while, but all Jimin could say was 'I'm not feeling well.'

He felt ashamed, regretful, and even though his heart yearned for Jungkook, his mind told him not to.

Because it wasn't right.

Because he'd end up hurting Jungkook repeatedly.

The moment he opened his locker, a note fell.

A letter.

With shaky hands, he opened it and although a few students were right there, passing by, he couldn't help but read the letter to himself, but more of a loud whisper.

So what if they heard it?

Dear Jimin,

I thought it would get easier to express how much you mean to me as each day passes, but I didn't know it would get this hard.

It's getting harder and harder and I'm not sure if I can take it any longer.

Because it hurts.

You're so close, but it seems like you're so far - I keep on saying this because it's true. I thought you'd finally know, or at least feel that it's me, that I'm here, but I guess I'm not doing a good job making it so obvious?

It pains me how you don't know that it's me, but as long as you keep on smiling, as long as you stay happy with the one you're comfortable with then I'm good.

I'll be alright.

I try my best to stay alright, just for you.

Keep shining and know that I'm here. No matter what.

Always.

With love,
♥

Jimin smiled, and looked to his side now with pursed lips.

"What's up with her? She doesn't need to send me all these letters when I already know it's her sending these," he looked at the letter again and grinned. It was adorable, how she still sent a letter when it was obvious that it was her. Why didn't she just sign her name?