Dear Jimin

Chapter 7

Jimin leaned into his locker, his hand gripping onto his bag strap and the other holding the already opened letter which almost knocked him off his feet the moment he read it.

His third letter.

He whipped his head from left to right, hoping to find out who placed that letter in his locker. With his heart beating fast and his face flushed, he continued to search for that one person, and Jimin knew that person could be anyone, and that secret admirer of his could be hiding behind the shadows, or could be older than him.

Who knew?

His eyes scanned the hallway and everyone was too busy laughing and minding their own business, chattering and discussing what they'll be doing this weekend, a few girls giggling, and a few boys making jokes Jimin couldn't quite hear because his thoughts were clouded by no one but this mysterious person who he didn't know, who he hadn't met yet.

This person could be his seatmate for all he knew, or better yet, maybe this person even took the same subjects as him.

There were so many possibilities.

Judging from the letters, Jimin already had a clue that this person was a romantic, and he loved being mysterious since he'd never sign his name, but instead, a heart replaced it, as if saying, 'Come find me.'

And Jimin wanted to find this person, this person who never seemed to give up, who always made him smile the rest of the day.

No one seemed suspicious as he continued searching the crowded hallway, his back still rested on his locker door, his eyes still darting on people's faces.

He knew that person always came to school earlier than him because Jimin woke up early and always came to school at least 30 minutes before the bell rang, and his letters would always be there and would be the first thing he'd see once he opened his locker.

Another thing Jimin noticed was that this person was very observant and very caring. His letters were always full of love, and he seemed to know Jimin's condition. Jimin didn't know who this person was, but apparently, this person knew who he was.

How come this secret admirer of his knew he was hurting?

He never told anyone about his doubts and never dared to spill all his problems to his friends because he'd end up being a burden, and he didn't like that. Jimin didn't want to be a burden, an extra baggage weighing them down.

"I'll lend you my shoulder for you to cry on if that makes you happy."

That sentence was stuck in Jimin's head as he thought about the letter, but he couldn't help but yearn for company, for a person to hear him out, to hear what he has to say, and now that this person was here and that he understood Jimin, he couldn't help but long to be beside that person behind those letters, the one who was in charge of pulling on his heartstrings, little by little.

Tears were welling up in his eyes once again, as he heard the students' footsteps echoing in his ears, but no sign of the person he was looking for.

His eyes searched every corner.

If you're here, come out, Jimin couldn't help but think, as if he was saying it to the person who was clouding his mind right now, fogging up his thoughts, making it hard for him to think straight. You understand, Jimin's heart screamed, begging for it to be heard.

Jimin rarely opened up to anyone, and though he liked to socialize, it would take a long time for people to earn his trust, and get to know what his problems were, so seeing that this person knew about his insecurities and worries, Jimin figured out that maybe he knew who this person was afterall, but he just needed to be patient and let life lead the way.

Maybe he was easy to reach, but Jimin just needed to dig a little deeper to find an answer.

I need to find you.

~

Later that day, they had P.E and they were forced to run, but as they did their laps, Jimin regretted skipping breakfast and lunch, and as he ran, sweat dripping down his temples, he noticed that his vision was starting to blur, images joining together as his world was spinning in circles like he was on a merry-go-round.

"Run! No backing down!" their teacher shouted, blowing his whistle for the guys at the back to run faster and catch up. Jimin looked behind him and saw them trying their best not to lag, but it looked like their legs were giving way.

He felt the same.

"DON'T YOU DARE STOP!"

Everyone was panting as they sprinted and all Jimin could hear was their teacher blowing the whistle countless of times like he had all the power in the world.

"I said RUN!"

It took all of Jimin's strength and energy not to fall and land on his face, but once he heard his heart palpitate so loud that it was booming in his ears, he knew he'd come in contact with the school's field that second. Everything was turning black, and his loud breathing was replaced with the sound of his fast heartbeat, beating like a drum.

"RUN!"

That was it.

Jimin fell to the floor, his knees scraped along with his left hand and elbow since he fell and landed on his left side, his body touching the hard ground as he hissed in pain.

Guilt.

Regret.

Because he was too busy starving himself.

And now look what happened.

Tears started flowing down his cheeks, one by one, and he could hear Taehyung, Jin, Hoseok, Yoongi and all the others calling out to him, rushing their way past the other students, but not before the small crowd of four people gathering around Jimin because they were faster, and they sniggered, looking down at a bleeding Jimin on the floor.

"Fatty," one of the guys made fun of him, making Jimin wince in pain as this guy kicked him once.

"You need to lose weight. You're too heavy, that's why you fell."

"Moron."

"You're fat, and now you're clumsy?"

Jimin couldn't take it.

Before Taehyung and the others could reach him, Jimin ignored the pain travelling throughout his whole body and the throbbing in his brain as he lifted himself up, standing on his own two feet as he ran as fast as lightning, wherever his feet would lead him, probably to a place where he could encage himself and not go out, forever.

Because he hated himself.

And he was worthless.

I'm worth nothing.