M A T I L D A
I'M NERVOUS. WHY AM I so nervous? I've been driving lap around Byron Bay since I arrived roughly ten minutes ago. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful town, but there is certainly no need to drive past everything ten times. So why am I? I don't even know the answer myself. After twelve long and draining months of travelling the world, surfing the best breaks in the world and constant jet lag, I am finally home. The thought of Justin being so close to me sends butterflies to take flight within my stomach. That's why I'm nervous. I shouldn't be nervous to see my boyfriend, if I can still call him that.
I don't know what we are anymore, but I know that I have to man up and face him. We haven't spoken in nine months. We never officially 'broke' up, but I don't think you could classify us as together either. We tried to manage the long distance relationship, but between my hectic surfing schedule, Justin's work and ridiculous time zones, it was a challenge to find time for each other.
We went from talking once a day, to once a week, to once every few weeks until both of us never called. The worst thing is, as much as I missed him, my life was easy. It was as if a weight I didn't know I had, had been lifted off my shoulders. It was as if Justin was a burden, but I would never allow myself to admit it. I did love him, regardless of the fact that I haven't seen him in a year, I do still love him. That's why I'm back. Back here. Home. Back where everything started.
I glance out at Wategos Beach as I drive by for the tenth time. The clam ocean waves instantly relaxing my soul. I can do this. I decide that I can't put it off any longer, so I turn down Marine Parade, attempting to ready myself for what awaits on the other side of Justin's door. My family are all next door in our own home and I feel guilty for not seeing them, but I have to do this first otherwise I'm afraid I'll back out.
I pull up my car outside his house and kill the engine. I sit for a few minutes, trying to gather my thoughts enough to think of something to say. Deciding the right words will come to me in the heat of the moment, I open my door and climb out. My legs shake and almost give way as I clutch onto the door to steady myself. I take a deep breath in and make my way to the front door. I stand, staring at the door for a few minutes and I can't help but wonder what Justin is doing this very second. Finally gaining enough courage a ring the doorbell and wait for someone to answer.
I close my eyes to try to control my nerves. I knew I should have gone for a surf to clear my head before I came here. I'm about to ring the bell again, when I hear the twist of the doorknob and the click of the door opening.
"Tildy!" one of the twins yells as they fling the door open. On instinct, I bend down and scoop him into my arms. I had a strange almost motherly love for the twins.
"I missed you little man. You've gotten so big," I tell him, ruffling his hair with my hand as he attempts to swat my hand away.
Eddie soon dives into his exciting day at school and in this moment, it feels as if I never left.
"Eddie, who is it?" I hear him yell. I freeze at his voice as I listen to his footsteps approaching, closer and closer as each second passes. I place Eddie back on the ground as the butterflies take flight once again. My heart begins to beat at a million miles minute, my hands start to grow clammy and I feel like I might throw up. I shouldn't be so nervous to see him. Does he want to see me? I close my eyes as I listen to his footsteps getting louder and louder until they come to a halt and even with my eyes closed, I can feel his eyes staring holes into me.
Taking a deep breath in, I open my eyes. My eyes run over his body as he stands a few metres away. He still looks the same, like the same Justin I said goodbye to a year ago. Realising neither of us have said anything or moved a muscle in the past few minutes, I give into what my heart is tell me to do and I rush forward, leaping into his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist and burry my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. At first he is hesitant, but seconds later, I feel his warm, strong arms wrap around my body, pulling me impossibly closer. I don't speak, unsure of what I want my first words in nine months to be.
