A Broken Scar's Outlaw (An Ashley Purdy Love Story)

Chapter Twenty Two: Not For Love

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Please let it be a dream. Please let it all be just one fucked up dream. Please tell me I didn’t say yes to Draven’s proposal. Please let it all be a lie.

My thoughts we to no prevail. I opened my eyes and lifted my hand to my face. There a sparkling diamond ring rested on my finger.I turned my head to see Draven lying next to me, still encompassed in slumber. I sat up, my red and black hair askew atop my head. I ran my fingers through the mess, removing it from my view.

I hoped off the bed and undressed, heading into the bathroom. I turned the water on, waiting for it to go as hot as the water heater would allow it. I climbed in, hoping the water would calm my knotted shoulders, but it didn’t work and it brought no relief. I sighed and turned the water off, my skin a bright pink from the constant heat of the water beating against it.

I had two appointments today. One was in an hour, and another wasn’t until three. James was finishing up my tattoo today, after three weeks of appointments to just get the outlining done. Today he would finish the shading and the words, and then it’d be done. Then Dr. Harvey was seeing me today to help me ‘further my search for inner peace’ or some shit like that.

I’ve talked to Jeremy non-stop for the past couple hours, especially after what happened. I know why I said yes. It was because I thought Ashley had moved on, and was done with my bullshit. I wouldn’t have blamed him. That’s why I said yes, because if Ashley moved on, then I had to, too. Jeremy was a bit disappointed in my decision. He said something about Draven not being the best person for me, and he didn’t like the feel he got around him.

What’s done is done. I said yes, and the wedding will be in a few months since neither he nor I want a fabulously large wedding. I was getting a wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses, grooms and groomsmen suits, a caterer, a cake, and a priest. It was nothing much, just the bare essentials towards even having a wedding. The sooner the better they always say.

The dreams haven’t stopped. I’ve been trying hard to get past them, and even my psychologist has tried to help me. Something about my conscious being dedicated to my word, it can’t break it. It had to be something about forgiving myself for what happened to Sam, and pushing through it. And I’ve been trying all the time, but it’s not working. Or maybe it’s because I’m telling myself it won’t work because I already forgave myself?

Whatever it was, I was pushing as hard as I could. Draven was there every step of the way, like a good fiancé. I couldn’t ask him for anything more, especially right now. But it’s gotten worse. They’re flashes, and complete torture. And I keep telling myself that it’s okay to move on. I think it’s because I’m not fully committed to that belief is why it’s not working.

I sighed and got dressed, drying my hair and straightening it. I put on my make-up, and then found my flats, slipping those on. I grabbed my keys from the counter and headed out the door to the tattoo parlor. Draven knew where I was going, so there was no need to wake him.

I pulled up outside the parlor and killed the engine. The smell of ink and cigarettes filled my nostrils as soon as I pushed open the door. My eyes searched for James in the haze, unable to, I walked up to the front desk. I just stood there for a moment, in no hurry. Drea rushed up, and instant smile on her face once she saw me.

“What’s up Scar?” she asked cheerily, propping herself on the desk with her tattooed arms. Her snow white hair fell over her hazel eyes, her eyeliner thick, bringing them out just that much more.

“Just here to finish James’s handiwork” I smiled back.

“He is in the back finishing up, he should be done in five minutes” she replied, pointing towards the back.