A Broken Scar's Outlaw (An Ashley Purdy Love Story)

Chapter Seven: I Can't Move On

"I know" Jeremy comforted. But even my brothers words and tight hugs did little to comfort me.

"I don't know what to do" I cried.

"You need to stay strong," he pulled away and for the first time I saw his eyes glisten with tears "you need to be strong for Sam and for me. Sam wouldn't want for you to hurt yourself over this, and you know it. You cannot leave me, or your friends Scarlett. Do you understand?"

"Mhmm" I replied shaking my head, diverting my eyes.

"Scarlett" Jeremy almost sobbed "Do you understand?"

I looked at him again "Yes" I replied hoarsely.

"You can't leave me" he pulled me in for another hug.

"I promise" I said, my voice cracking from tears.

~~~

"Derrick, stop" I moaned.

"Come on Scarlett, I'm bored" he whined and began kissing my neck again.

"I really don't want to do this right now" I snapped and pulled away.

"Whatever" he leaned back in his seat and his phone rang "I'll be right back"

He walked out of the room into the kitchen. He hasn't realized yet that these walls were thin. I could hear every bit of his conversation. Last time his friend called I heard him say how he was using me to get to Jeremy. Then when he got to Jeremy he could get a record deal. That's all I ever really was to my ex-boyfriends, a ladder that would help them get famous.

It's been almost a yer since Sam died. Jeremy left after a week. As soon as he left Dad started up again. I've never feared so much in my life until now. Derrick being my 7th boyfriend in a year has cushioned the blows. Every relationship after Sam's feels like nothing. I lose interest. And, they always fall in love

"We'll it's different now" Derrick's voice penetrated through the wall. "That's how it was at first but now I'm in love with her. I know her rep but I really love her. I'm going to propose this Saturday."

Shit, I thought, not again. I never failed to have a guy fall in love with me after a month. I always dumped them because I'm not interested in marriage or children. I'm 18, I still have my life to live, I'm not going to throw away all my plans because some guy is "in love" with me and wants to marry me.

Awesome, now it's time for Scar the heartbreaker to make her debut. I thought to myself. Now I dreaded for Saturday to come, because I'll have to break Derrick's heart.

~~~

*October 31 

I've been having nightmares again. They've gotten worse, I'll sleep walk. By the time I regain myself I always have a blade in my hand. I'm Officially 18 and all I can pray for is Jeremy to come. But until then, I'm stuck here, being beaten and spat at. I just want Sam back.

I closed my journal and set it down on my nightstand. I started using it again because of my dreams. I was so lost, this was my only vent. My dad monitors me now, and I'm only allowed over at Aerin's twice a week for practice. Even then my guitar only offers some comfort.

My phone's screen glowed bright. I picked it up to see a text from Shawn. Boyfriend number 10 and counting. I just wanted out of life. I wanted some way out.

~~~

*December 30

So boyfriend number 14 proposed tonight. I said no as expected. It's almost been two years since Sam died, and everyday my dread deepens. I don't understand how they fall in love with me. Don't get me wrong Garrett was nice and funny, but again I don't want to get married right now.