He's gone- a dawsey story

Slow down... (Chapter 35)

I am now 30 weeks pregnant. Things are going well, but I do feel like i'm going too fast sometimes! I don't know what could happen. I want everything to be well. I want to be well. Today we have another ultrasound. Things were becoming more real. In just 10 weeks are baby could arrive, or even before that.

I had to start slowing down now. I've been working just a desk job for about a month now. It has been great for me, and definitely different. I'm scared though. I don't want anything to go wrong. There is always that risk though. I can't control everything, and I don't know what is going to happen everyday. Things can change in just a second. Everything is fine now, but I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I know I can't think like that.

Matt wants me to slow down and just start my leave now. I would like that, but working is all I have right now. It allows me to keep sane. Staying at home, imagine what the babies room, and that just isn't how I want to spend my next ten weeks. I don't think I can do that.

I walked into the kitchen as Matt was pouring his coffee. He looked at me " hey.." I sat down " you on shift.." He looked at me " I'm taking a couple off... We've got that appointment!" I nodded " I know.." He looked at me " Your not going to keep working are you..?" I looked at him " Matt... I'm gonna work as long as I can.." He looked at me " Gabby! You can't just work up until the baby is born.." I looked at him " Just a few more weeks.." He sat down " A few more days.. if anything!" I looked at him " Matt... I'll be home for 2 months after the baby is born.. I should be working for now.." He looked at me " It's not healthy.." I looked at him " I'll be okay.."

I was a little mad that Matt thought he knew everything. He thinks he knows what is best. I appreciate his concern, but work is something I need right now. I wasn't going to drop this fast. I needed just a couple more weeks.

We put our differences aside, and headed to the doctors. I was just hoping that everything would be okay. The doctor looked at me " baby's healthy.... your blood pressure is slightly elevated.. but i'm not too concerned.." Matt looked at me, and then the doctor " What does this mean?" She continued " Gabby... you need to slow down! I know it's difficult... I'm recommending that you take your leave now.. Just focus on your baby! These next ten weeks are going to be hard, but your baby will be here soon." I guess I did need to hear this. It was hard for me to hear because that meant that Matt was right. I was okay with that though.