Rachel's Turn

Chapter 56

 With a heavy heart, Ryan packed his bags and headed down the road. It was too early for anyone to be up, but he had to drop off Rachel's last daisy and letter. He quietly placed the pink Gerber daisy in the screen door and slid her letter behind it. He knew she would get it. He whispered, "Good bye my sweet girl." Then as quietly as he arrived, he disappeared.

Rachel woke with a aching heart and sense of dread. She did not want to say good bye to Ryan today, but knew it must be done. When she opened her bedroom door, her mom was walking down the hall way. "Good morning, looks like someone left you a present."

She handed her the daisy and the letter. Rachel smiled then went to her bed where she sat and read his letter.

My dearest sweet Rach,

I know you probably hate me right now and I understand why. Hell, I hate myself too. I hate that I didn't handle us better. I should have been able to control my anger better and trusted you. Rach, I am sorry I broke my promise to see you before I left, but I just couldn't and do what I need to for you and us. If I looked into your majestic blue eyes and felt your touch, there is no way I could have the strength to let you go.

Last night, I realized that some of what Cole said was right. Trust me, I am not agreeing with him, but he made a good point that I have overlooked and I should not have. I am changing you and I am not sure it is what you need. I am holding you back from experiencing and enjoying your life as a senior. This is your last year in high school and you should be going out and having a good time talking with whomever you want and not having to be worried if your boyfriend is going to be angry. Aren't you tired of apologizing to me? It was never my intention to make you second guess everything you did. I had no right to not trust you completely.

Baby, I want you to never forget how amazing you are. I will never forget or regret one second that I held you in my arms and kissed your sweet lips. Having you by my side was perfect, yet I did not realize how selfish I was being. I tried to keep you in a box that only I could open, but you are not meant to be in a box. I know you are going to be even more mad at me, but I watched the performance. I was insanely jealous of Cole because of the way you looked at him and him at you. Regardless of that, you were amazing. You belonged on that stage and it proved to me that I am holding you back from experiencing things fully.

I know you disagree with me Rach, but be honest with yourself; do you really want to go through the rest of the year apart and wondering if what you do is going to upset me? I never meant to try and control you, and I am so happy that you worried about how I felt, but it is too much right now. You do not need this, and I stand knowing you are going to question who you talk to and what you do all the time. It's because of me. You need to just do things for you.

I hope you know that I would never have taken advantage of you Rach. I know we were getting further and further out of your comfort zone, and I was afraid that you were starting to focus too much on me and not staying true to you. I know how important intimacy is to you and I fear that we would have taken those final steps too soon. Trust me, it is not that I did not and do not want you so get that thought out of your head. You know better.

Listen to me, I love you Rachel Marie Taylor. What I am trying to say is you mean so much to me and I will always be here for you but it is not right for me to rob you from living free. I have had my time to be wild and free and I need to let you do the same. Unfortunately, I cannot be with you while you do because I know you will never put yourself first as long as you are mine.

I have decided to re-up for 4 more years and am not sure where that will take me. Always know that you are forever and always on my mind and in my heart. Please be happy and do not let anyone dim your light. Let it shine for the world to see. I hope you will forgive me one day and if fate will have it, I hope our paths cross again.

Love always and forever,  Ryan

Rachel cried.

*** Officially the end of book 1****

Please please comment and tell me your likes and dislikes of the story. I am going to be editing this one to get it ready to publish and working on book 2 but I NEED YOUR FEEDBACK!!!! THank you all so much :)