Rachel's Turn

Chapter 17

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Her mom had been waiting patiently for everyone to clear out from the family breakfast, so her and her baby girl could go shopping. This was her last time to buy school clothes. Her last daughter  would be graduating this year. No kids were left under her watch now. She felt proud, excited and sad all at the same time. Standing in the doorway of Rachel's bedroom, she waited and watched as Rachel searched for her keys and purse. The moment was bittersweet. There were no longer posters of movies or rock stars on the wall, or magazine cutouts. The only memory of Rachel's early childhood was a picture of a teddy bear in running clothes with a red headband. It was odd and nothing special to anyone but Rachel, who had worked hard saving Quality Stamps to have that picture when she was little.

As she scanned the room reminiscing of young Rachel, her eyes landed on her blue care bear and a pink Gerber daisy  that lay on the table beside her bed. Where did she get that? Her mom tried to think of where Rachel would have been to get that and from whom. Ryan?  She knew she was right. Ryan was interested in Rachel. I wonder when Rachel is going to tell me about this? Looking at her baby she could see a spark about her that was glowing brighter than ever. Oh how she was not ready for this with Rachel, but looks like she was about to not have a choice. As much as she loved Ryan, Rachel was her baby and she was not sure about this. She shook off those thoughts and decided to focus on the afternoon with her baby. "Rachel, let's go."

Rachel and her mom set off on their last school shopping adventure. They hit  the usual places for clothes:Target, Lane Bryant, Cato's, Old Navy and JC Penny. Rachel knew her mom had figured something was going on with her and Ryan, but was afraid to broach the subject first. Rachel knew her mom would hold out as long as she could before casting one of her looks at her to make her talk.

Mom's looks were like truth serum. Noone was immune to Marie Taylor's looks or one of mom's feelings she would get. If the woman ever told you she had a feeling, it was wise to listen. Rachel had a feeling herself and knew it was coming so she thought she would try to start. "Oh Ryan said to make sure you knew how much he enjoyed breakfast. You know he has written many times over the years about the need for chocolate gravy in the military." They laughed.

"Yep, he is a sweet boy. He looks good now and seems as if he is really putting his life together. I've kind of missed that little booger." The worried mom in her was trying ot stay unbiased and be cool about everything between Ryan and Rachel. She knew Rachel would talk to her, and she needed to make sure Rachel was careful.   She was still so young and thought she was in love with Ryan since she was 10. "Can I ask you something Rachel?"

OH God! Please let this be easy and painless. This is so awkward, here come the questions. Nervously,but trying to continue being cool herself, Rachel continued holding up shirts for her mom to give a thumbs up or down." Do you like this black and white shirt or do you think the pattern is too wild? Of course, mom. Ask away." Rachel's palms were sweating and she was starting to feel like 8 year old that was about to be asked if her room was clean or if she ate the last cookie.

Mom knew Rachel was nervous and truth be told so was she. "Unless you want your shirt to be noticed before you walk in a room, I think not!" Rachel could always count on an honest answer regarding her opinion on clothes. Being a mom never gets easier in the affairs if the heart department. "It seems like you and Ryan have become better friends over the past few years. Am I right?"

Why did mom need to ask the obvious question that she already knew the answer too? Oh that's right, she's a mom! "I think so. It's been kind of nice having him home and actually getting to hang out." Rachel hoped that answer was enough to appease her mom. It was the truth. She was completely loving his being there.

"I noticed a beautiful pink gerber daisy on your night stand. Where did you get that?" Both of them seem to take a deep breath as her mom spoke.

Rachel wanted to crawl in the middle of the clothing rack and disappear as she did frequently as a child when shopping with her mom, but it was time to put on her big girl undies.  Sink or swim, right?  This is your mom and you can tell her anything. Rachel tried to keep that thought in her mind. "Ryan gave it to me the other night, he figured I was going to need a smile since he knew Sara and I tend to get, well, you know how it goes mom." Her heart was  pounding so hard she was afraid to speak anymore to not chance it leaping out.

Her mom listened as she took a Red shirt out, looked at it's hideous pattern of stars and triangles, then put it back and on to the next one. " Is there something you need to tell me? You know I love you Rachel and I want you to ..."

All Rachel could hear her mom say only sounded like it always did everytime she was lectured  about her crushing on him. You're just a kid and he is older and trying to be nice Rachel. He is a friend. Rachel you don't understand what you are doing. You are just a kid Rachel and this is just a silly crush. Young ladies don't act like this Rachel!!!

Before she realized it she opened her mouth and cut off her mom, " I know I know mom. He is just being nice to me. We are closer but what does it matter because he's leaving." Oops, judging from raised eyebrows of her mom, Rachel did not really need to blurt all of that out. Rachel's little tea pot just puffed off some steam in the wrong direction. "Mom, I am sorry. I shouldn't have been so rude. Please forgive me. It's just that I feel like whenever mine and Ryan's names have been in the same sentence in the past, all I ever hear is the 'you are too young Rachel' speech. I am sorry."

To say her mom was a little surprised at Rachel's reaction would be a lie. She knew her daughter and though she did not need to spout off at her like that, she understood that Rachel was confused and needed her mom. "Sweetheart, if you would have let me finish, I was going to say that I love you and I want you to be careful. I am not blind or stupid nor was I born yesterday. I know I am an old fogey but your momma is not as dumb as you think." That comment always brought a smile to Rachel, because she knew all that and she knew her momma too. " But, honey, I want you to take things slowly. I think that you both have become closer with all the letters you write eachother, and it is clear that Ryan likes you, sweetheart. What kind of a mom would I be if I didn't worry or try to keep you and your heart safe." By this time, her mom had made her way to Rachel and put her arms around her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Mom, I just want to enjoy this feeling of having the attention for a change. It is nice to be wanted and cared for and understood. Yes, I know I have always had a place in my heart for Ryan, crush or not, but we really have become closer since he has been gone. And, yes, I am aware that he had a reputation for loving the girls and leaving them, but I swear to you mom, I will NOT get myself in trouble ok. I am NOT like that ok. Besides, Ryan would probably not be like that in fear of you and daddy. He always talks about how he loves and respects ya'll. I promise I will be careful. I love you mom."  It was true. Ryan mentioned how much he loved her parents in almost every letter.

Rachel's mom squeezed her a little tighter and was proud of her daughter, but no matter how old her little girl was or wasn't, the worry for her well being would never die. They shifted their focus and began  focusing on finding the appropriate bottoms to match the tops they picked out. Shopping was no longer  fun. They had managed to put together 8 outfits or so and get 3 pairs of shoes, socks, and undergarments. It was getting late and they both seemed to be ready to get going, since 4 hours of shopping and finding hardly anything was enough, not to mention that this was an emotional bonding excersion.

"Are you ready, Rachel? Let's pick up KFC on the way home because I am pooped and am not cooking tonight." Rachel smiled and was very appreciative of her clothes and the end of the afternoon. She was ready to go home, eat and take a relaxing  swim.

Swim!!! Ryan wanted to come over tonight. What do I do?  Rachel's forgot that she promised him that she would talk to her mom and see if that would be ok, but after her and her mom's talk, she was afraid to push it. She did not know what to do, so she said nothing. Everything felt good right now and she did not want to ruin it.