superfluous | thiago alcântara

chapter twenty four ; bruna

Dear Thiago,

It's been five long months since we've broken up.. Five. I've endured more sleepless nights thinking about you than I have thought was possible. Fifty four times..

Fifty four. That is how many times I've wanted to just make up and go running back into your arms. Every single time I've had to bring myself back to reality that if it doesn't work the first two times, why would it ever work the third time.

I'm afraid to admit that you are just another life lesson, you are way more than that to me. I don't know if I will ever find someone I love as much as I love you.

I can't lie and say I was happy because I wasn't. Not much between us ever felt right. I was infatuated with you, but at the end of the day. This feeling in my stomach just made me sick every night.

I wonder if you lie awake at night missing me the way I miss you. You deserve the world and I don't believe I could ever give that to you.

I left Barcelona one week after we ended and went to the only place I knew I would be welcomed. I fled to Munich, straight to Robert and Anna's and ended up getting there at three in the morning and sitting on their front porch. At about ten, Anna opened up the door and hurried me into the house and I don't remember the next two days after that.

I was told that I spent those next two days lying in bed staring at the ceiling. I couldn't sleep because I would have nightmares every time my eyes closed.

For about a month, I stayed at Anna and Robert's because I was looking for a place of my own. I found a small one bedroom apartment in the heart of Munich and started my life over yet again.

Three months after our breakup, Mario found out I was back in Munich. It didn't take him long to come find me and ask to be friends. Mario and AK had ended because of distance problems and he just didn't want to spend every day in his apartment by himself.

It took me awhile to warm up to Mario again. I tried to talk to him about you and I's issues, but in the end I realized the last thing I wanted to hear was "move on he's not worth it" because I believe you are worth it.

What am I supposed to say when I can't put my feelings about you into words. My love for you ate me alive and left me lost and confused.

I'm sorry that I broke your heart Thiago. I never intended to do any of that. You don't know how badly I wish that I could make things right, but nothing ever feels right.

Thank you for always being there for me and loving me endlessly. Thank you for the thousands of memories, I don't think I will ever meet anyone as amazing as you are.

Love,
Bruna

~

Dear Thiago,

It's been two years since we broke up and things are a lot different now. I've been living in Berlin for the past year.

After we broke up, I thought the world was over for me. I didn't know how to live without you and I remember how many times I questioned "Why me?"

After I wrote that first letter I promised myself I would get my shit together and move on because I knew you would. That was probably one of the best decisions I've made.

I met new people so that I could stop thinking about you and the old life I lived. Mario and I rekindled our friendship which lead to us getting into a relationship.

Mario is fairly different from you, but I like the different things about him. I want you to know I would never talk bad about you Thiago and I hope you know that. I think the world of you even if we don't talk anymore.

I haven't heard one word about you since we've broken up. It's weird, the first year it seemed like everyone avoided talking about you in front of me. Even Rafinha didn't tell me anything about you.

Rafinha introduced me to his new girlfriend when I invited him to Berlin to come see me and Mario. She's a sweet girl and I can tell how much Rafa adores her.

Anna and Robert had their baby, Rose Lewandowski. The couple revealed to me that they wished for me to be her godmother. I was thrilled when they asked me immediately after she was born. Mario and I patiently waited all day for the birth of Rose.

Mario and I have been living together for a little more then a year and I recently found out I'm pregnant. Since then Mario has been watching my every move. I'm only about 6 weeks along, but apparently I need to be careful says Mario.

I don't know why I'm blabbering about Mario and all this random stuff. I mean I guess I don't know what to say at this point.

I can't lie and say I don't wonder about you anymore because I do. Like I've said before you deserve the absolute best and I hope you are happy and healthy Thiago.

Sincerely,
Bruna

***

A/N

Quite frankly I'm having the worst writers block and I'm pissed about the way this all ended, but I just had to finish it. I still have the epilogue so yeah. This is a pretty shitty chapter and writing job I guess so meh.

Well on the plus side I'm gonna go see Julie Johnston play sometime! Not exactly sure yet but soon! 😊

Thank you for the likes & comments!❤️