Ch 19

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I cut him off, not wanting to hear his explanation. I had already embarrassed myself too much.

I hopped into the car and decided to head over to my mom's place. It's been a while since we last talked, and I need to take my mind off things. At the end of the day, I do care about my mom a lot, so I don't want to lose touch just because I moved out.

Upon reaching her house, I got out of the car and made my way to the front door, giving it a knock.

She opened the door, her face lighting up in surprise.

"Oh my goodness, my baby is back!" she exclaimed, pulling me into a tight hug.

After breaking away from the hug, I followed her inside and settled down on the couch.

"How have you been?" she inquired.

"I'm good, Mom. Just enjoying life, happy with my new job and my place. Things are going well for me right now."

I take a look around the house and it's like a whole new place. She must have done some decorating while I was away. It's strange though, because when I lived here, she never bothered to do anything with it. Now that I'm gone, she suddenly decides to make it look nice. It's a bit odd, but I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. However, I can't help but notice that she waited until I was leaving to spruce up the house.

"So, it seems like you've put on a few pounds since the last time I saw you," she comments, eyeing my body and studying me.

I choose not to respond because I don't want to get into an argument. I know that if I even acknowledge it, it will turn into a whole ordeal. So, I decide to stay silent and not say a word. I look at her with disbelief. It's been months since I last saw her, and this is how she chooses to act.

"Stop giving me that look, kid. I'm just stating the obvious. You're letting yourself go. I won't sugarcoat my feelings, you know that. This is how things are. You can either accept it or leave it," she said.

"That's not my problem, Mom. You know what? I'm fed up with you constantly talking about me, especially my weight. I'm tired of it. You treat me like I'm your enemy when I'm your daughter. That's why I moved out. That's why I don't want to be around you anymore because you don't treat me right. You treat me like trash and you don't even care. It's like nothing matters to you except yourself. You don't care about me or my well-being. You haven't even spoken to me since Dad passed away, and that was years ago. I thought we would be closer and more supportive after his death. 

I didn't cause his death, and I'm grieving too. I'm going through a tough time, and you haven't given me the chance to mourn. You haven't been there for me, and all you've done is criticize me. How can I grieve when you constantly bring up my weight, my job, my college degree, and everything else? How can I heal when you're constantly tearing me down? I'm already feeling down, and my life feels miserable right now. It doesn't matter that I have a good job and a nice apartment because I'm still not happy. And it's because of you, because of all the pain and suffering you've caused me.

I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. I despise the person I see because of you. You've made me hate myself because you hate yourself. Maybe you appear perfect on the outside, maybe you think you have the best body and everything is beautiful, but deep down, you hate yourself. You're projecting that self-hatred onto me. 

You're tearing me apart because you're torn up inside, and that has nothing to do with me. I've decided that I'm going to go. I don't want to continue this conversation with you anymore. I initially wanted to check in and catch up, but it seems like you're more interested in tearing me down, even though you haven't seen me in months. So, to salvage our relationship, I'm going to leave for now and maybe we can try again later. Here's something for you to think about: maybe you should treat your child better. I'm your only daughter, your only child, and yet you treat me poorly. You don't have anyone else, just me. So, good luck. I hope everything goes well for you and maybe we can talk again someday. But for now, I need some time and space away from you. I can't handle dealing with you right now," I said and then I took my leave. When I made it outside of the house I took a deep breath.

My emotions were out of control as I hurried to my car, completely taken aback by my mom's unexpected behavior. I had hoped that reuniting after being apart for months would bring some positive change, but instead, her actions only made things worse. It was a crushing disappointment to face the harsh reality that my expectations had once again been shattered.

Finally, the tears that I had been holding back began to flow down my cheeks as I realized that the loving mother I had longed for was still beyond my reach. Despite my constant prayers for a better relationship, it felt like my pleas were falling on deaf ears. The weight of shattered hopes weighed heavily on my heart, leaving me wondering if my mother and I would ever have a decent bond. I couldn't help but question what more I could do to earn her love.

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