Ch 3

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She has a lighter complexion which makes her feel as if she is better than I. She does not shy away from telling me that I am not superior to her. She makes me feel as if I am a peasant and she is my queen. It's always been a fight for me, especially being dark-skinned in my community because I am considered unattractive. It's been hard for me for my entire life. I thought my mother would be the one to boost my confidence and make me feel beautiful, but I am constantly disappointed.

Growing up as a black person is difficult in a world that hates my existence because of my blackness. But dealing with your mom who is also anti-black doesn't make it better. I hate that she made it seem as if my skin tone is bad or ugly. I try not to think about it too much, but I have grown to hate my skin. The skin I was born with, the skin that makes me who I am, makes me the black African American woman that I am today.

It's not a good way to live, but this is something I'm used to now. I became insecure because of the people I surrounded myself with. After that, I started to surround myself with people who cared about my well-being. I am still working on loving myself, but I know things can and won't change overnight.

I walked out of the house not saying goodbye to my mom because I didn't want to speak to her. I got in my Honda Civic. I need a new car, but I can't afford it right now. So, this Honda is what I have to work with right now. My mom refuses to give me my dad's old car. My dad and I have been talking about me having his car before he even died. He was going to give me the car when I turned eighteen, but sadly he passed before he could.

He wanted me to have it. At least, that's what it said in the will, but she won't give me the car. She has the keys and I don't want to fight her for them. I know that If I try to fight her on it, she's going to kick me out of the house. Plus, I don't have money for a lawyer. I don't have money for anything, and I'm living in her house right now. So, trying to take her to court and get the car is not in my best interest if I want to continue to have a roof over my head. But eventually, I will be taking her to court after I'm in my own home, a place where I don't have to deal with her.

As I'm driving to work, I turn up the music trying to get myself in a good mood so that I can enjoy my time at work. I don't like being rude to others because they are not the cause of my frustration, and it is unnecessary to express my anger towards them. They don't deserve that because they can be having a bad day. And I don't want to do that, make their day much worse than it already is. So, I just like to play music to get myself in a good headspace.

My job is not too far from my house. I live five minutes away from the restaurant, which is great because I don't have to drive too far. I work at a restaurant called Rosemary. It's named after the owner's mother. I've been working at this restaurant for about a year now since I moved back from college. Being there for a year I've learned some tricks. If I get to work 10 minutes early, I can put my things away, relax for a bit, and have a drink before I start working. I'm a waitress and sometimes work at the bar when the bartender is off. But this morning I'm specifically on the floor.

I walk in, and I see everybody and I wave to some of the regulars that I see. I walk to the back room so that I can put my stuff away, and I see my boss Shyla. I wave to her. She looks at me with this puzzled look and walks up to me. "Hey Aaliyah, how are you today?", my boss Shyla said. "I'm ok, thank you for asking," I said with a bit of dryness which isn't like me. "Now, you know you can't lie to me. "Your expression says it all," she said, smiling. I know she won't give up since she knows about my home situation. "What's going on? What happened? What did your mom do today?" she said, putting her hand on her hip." I laugh, it's funny how she knows exactly when my mom does something to me.

"Girl, she asked me to pay her phone bill, and it's crazy because she doesn't charge me rent, but she makes me pay for various other things instead," I said as I threw up my hands. I just get so frustrated when I am talking about my home situation. But I know Shyla won't stop asking what's wrong until I tell her.

"Hey guys, we need you out here now. We are swamped please," one of the girls said. "We can talk about this later, ok?"Shyla said, rubbing my back. I took a deep breath, letting all the anger in my body disappear. I nodded my head and then quickly put my things in my locker and followed Sam to the floor. She is also a waitress. When I arrived on the floor, I put my notepad in my apron and went to my first table. Sitting at that table is the most beautiful man I've ever seen. He has blue eyes, brown hair, and a face that would melt any girl. "Hi, my name is Aaliyah, and I will be your waitress today," I said, smiling. 

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