Loving Every Curve(Completed✔️)

Ch 2

"Mom, I have to pay my phone bill. I can't pay yours and mine. You know, I don't have that type of money," I yelled through the door. "Well, you don't pay any rent here. So the least you could do is pay for my phone bill this month." I just know she has a huge smirk on her face right now. She always gets happy when she causes me misery. I sighed and started to get very irritated. I rub my hand across my face trying to repress my anger. It is hard. I can feel the heat flushing through my body. She knows I don't make any money at the restaurant. I can barely afford my bills. Yet, she still keeps asking me for money. She doesn't charge me rent on purpose because she knows how to get money out of me. I probably am paying more money than I would be if I had to pay rent because she asks me for money every other day.

"Fine Mom, I'll send you the money," I replied. I know that if I don't just give her the money she's going to find another way to torture me, and I don't want to deal with that since I still need to live here. "All right, I knew you would come to your senses," she said through the door. I heard her footsteps as she walked away, I took deep breaths trying to calm myself down.

But my heart started to pound so fast, and I couldn't get it to slow down. I don't want to get too upset because I have to go to work and pretend to be happy when I know that I am not. It's the only way to get good tips from customers. Since tips are what I live off of. We get a base pay, but it's only twelve dollars. The rest of my income comes from tips. But if you don't look like a Victoria's Secret Model, then you aren't getting many tips. I'm not saying I'm ugly because I think I'm quite attractive, but I have a curvier body shape, which not everyone finds appealing. A lot of girls there are skinnier, so they get the most tips. But, I have to work hard for my tips. I always have to smile, have to be super nice and I have to be very helpful and pretty much go over the top to get those tips. So, that's the only thing. But I'm not complaining. Like I said, it's not so bad. I love the people there. But it is hard being around people who are smaller than you knowing that you want to be smaller yourself.

I feel insecure sometimes, even though people often tell me that I am beautiful and perfect just the way I am. It's not as if I don't like the compliments; it's more of a thing that I am used to getting bad comments on my looks. People expected me to look a certain way to be viewed as a beautiful person. My body needs to look a certain way and my skin tone also. I am not the one who made these rules and standards, but honestly, the standards are what ruin other people's lives. It's hard to fully accept that I live in a society that puts these images in my head that make me believe that I have to look a certain way to be loved.

I often have these thoughts every day, like a voice telling me I'm not good enough and that I should be skinnier. Those thoughts overpower all the compliments that I receive. I am trying to get better at not listening to those thoughts; however, it's not just the thoughts, it's my mom too. I put my braids in a ponytail. I love braids; not only are they beautiful in my eyes. They make my mornings quicker since I only have to put them in a neat ponytail and go about my day. They are easy to manage and they protect my hair. I don't damage my hair by putting heat on it because there is no need when your hair is braided. It is a nice protective hairstyle that I love to wear often. I know there are some downsides to having braids but to be honest, braids are my go-to when doing my hair.

After about ten minutes I take off my face mask and I immediately look at my reflection in the mirror. My face is glowing. But yet I still don't feel as if I'm good enough. I quickly glance at the mirror because I become critical of my flaws if I stare for too long. When I put on my makeup, I usually go for an effortless look. I use mascara, and a little bit of brown eyeshadow on my lids. I like to use an eyeshadow that almost matches my skin tone and then put the highlight on my brow bone. I combine that with lip gloss and that's my makeup look. I don't like to wear a lot of makeup because it makes my face break out. I've tried it before and my skin did not appreciate it.

It's hard going to work with a bunch of acne on your face. People like to point out that I have acne and give me their opinions on what I should do. It gets annoying, that's why I barely wear makeup because I don't want to go through that again.

People are super judgmental, especially in a restaurant setting. I used to tell my mom about the incidents that would happen at work, but she just didn't care. I want to have a good relationship with my mom, but she always makes it harder than it needs to be. She always tells me that I am not beautiful and that no man would ever want me. My mom always makes me feel insecure about my skin tone. My complexion is darker than hers.