Spade (MxM)

Chapter 152

Spade couldn't go back to his house, he didn't think he could stand staying there after what he just found out, he headed to the club immediately he left Nate's apartment.

It had been almost 30 minutes since then and he had somehow managed to calm himself down, even though not completely, but he was now calm nonetheless, but that didn't mean he wasn't thinking about it.

It was a betrayal and he was fucking thinking about it, and it was eating at him because deep down as much as he was trying not to think about him, he couldn't help it, he still loved Nate and it made it even hurt more.

He clenched his jaw as he tightened his hand on the pen in his hand, he wanted to haul it at something, he wanted to punch something or someone very badly, but doing that would only end up in destruction of something or someone getting hurt.

He sighed out deeply and looked up, his mind going around in circles, he had left the recorder at Nate's place, he didn't want to even look at it.

Another reason why he couldn't go home was the fact that Nate's clothes and other stuff were there, and he'd have to see them, look at them and be reminded of what Nate had done.

He trusted the young man with everything, something he'd never done before with anyone, except for Matteo.
The one person he chose to trust and he betrayed him

He swallowed the huge lump in his throat, pinching the bridge of his nose
Was he wrong to have fallen in love with Nate?
Was this Nate's way of getting back at him for what had happened when they just met?

Sitting down there he was beginning to doubt if the young man had even ever loved him, or it was all a lie to him.
Fuck, he cussed out lowly.

He was trying to regret falling in love with Nate, he was trying to regret everything they'd shared but he couldn't.
They still meant so much to him and that was making it even more painful and wrenching.

The deep feeling he was having in his heart, in the pit of his stomach and his chest, was this what heartbreak felt like?
Even when his father had ratted Matteo out to the cops years ago, and had Spade put in jail, it didn't hurt this much.

His own father's betrayal didn't hurt as much as Nate's betrayal was clawing at the pieces of his heart, breaking him into so many pieces that he knew would be hard, if not impossible to put back together.

He wished he could cut out his heart and throw the organ away, to stop this wrenching feeling he was having in his heart.
He hated it, but as foolish and stupid as he was, he knew he was still in love with Nate, and if the young man came right now and told him it was all a lie, he didn't turn in the recorder to his father, Spade knew that he would without doubt believe him and take him back.

Because he knew he wouldn't be able to live without Nate, even sitting here he knew he wouldn't be able to do it.
That was just how much power Nate had over him and he hated himself for giving that much power to one person, and that one person was the one that betrayed him

Everytime he thought about it, he felt his heart beat faster and his chest cave in with an unfamiliar ache.
He didn't even know what or how he was feeling, but he just knew he didn't like the feeling and he wanted it gone

The door to his office open, he looked up with a blank stare as he watched Matteo walk into his office, the blonde's face had lost a little bit of color and there was this worry in his eyes, but Spade couldn't even care about that at the moment.

Matteo stopped in front of his desk "Spade" he called and Spade just hummed, still looking at him with bored eyes, he didn't think he had it in him to talk, he could see the frown on Matteo's face.
"What's going on"? He asked, Spade just blinked, not answering him, not that he didn't want to answer but his lips seemed not to want to work at the moment