Spade (MxM)

Chapter 123

They both sat together, with Spade's head on Nate's laps, while Nate had his fingers buried deep inside Spade's dark hair, he was playing with it and looking down at the man before him with closed eyes.
Even though he looked relaxed, Nate knew something was up with him and a lot was bothering him.
He didn't know what it was but he hoped it wasn't because of the distance he'd been giving the man.

True since Saturday morning that he left Spade's place, he hadn't called or even seen him, not because he didn't want to, he just kind of needed time alone.
He was a mess, and it was always like that whenever he met with his father, the man always had a way to eating deep into Nate's heart with his words.

He'd some how gotten used to playing with Spade's hair, as much as he knew it relaxed Spade, it kind of relaxed him too.
He was looking at all of Spade's facial features, his lips, God those lips tasted like heaven, he'd never kissed anyone before, but having kissed Spade he never wanted to kiss anyone else again.

The man had everything he wanted in a partner, if Spade was a woman Nate would still like him just as much, Nate's one hand was resting on Spade's chest as he craddled it with both his hands, playing with it too.
His own hands were large compared to Nate's, so it easily swallowed all of Nate's hand.

Looking down at an almost sleeping Spade, Nate couldn't help but feel his heart swell, he couldn't believe someone like this was with him, like they were together.
That other person always made him believe that he was worthless, that no one would want him except for his body, but Spade wanted him, not for his body but for just being him.
And that alone made him want to cry every time they were together.

But he still wanted to know why Spade had acted the way he did when he just came.
The hug and everything, it was like Spade was trying to tell him something through the hug, and truth be told, he needed that too because he was battling with himself, since his talk with his father.

He really didn't have anyone to talk to again since his sister left, so whenever his father showed up he was used to just holing himself up and bottling up the pain and insecurities until they subsided again.

Not that he couldn't talk to Spade but he didn't even know if he wanted Spade to know something like that about him.
The fact that his father had always physically and mentally abused him, it wasn't really something to be proud of.
"Gio" he whispered out, he almost thought Spade was asleep until he hummed in response, he felt the sound vibrate his hand on Spade's chest, the man still had his eyes closed, with his perfect nose and jawline, Nate wanted to run his hands through them and trace every line on his face.
"What's wrong"? He asked again, they hadn't really said much to each other since Spade came in, and it was unlike Spade to just be like that around him, maybe before they started dating, but not now.

He watched as Spade sighed out before he opened his eyes slowly, beautiful grey eyes stared back at him, he could almost see the turmoil in them.
"Did I scare you when I came in"? He asked and Nate chewed on his inner cheek before he nodded gently, he sighed out again.
"I'm sorry, I was just tired" he muttered.

Nate just watched him, knowing he didn't mean being tired physically, there was more to that than just being tired, but he waited for Spade to continue.
"There's a lot going on with me that is really messing with my head and I don't want to drag you into it, I just want to deal with it on my own"

Nate looked at him, before he pulled his hand from under Spade's hands craddling it, he used it to run along Spade's eyebrows, feeling the softness, he didn't know why he suddenly wanted to do that, but it felt nice.
"But you don't have to deal with it on your own" Nate said softly

"I can't drag you into it Nate, it's too messy and I don't want you to get hurt" he paused before he got up, suddenly shifting closer to Nate, he pulled the young man closer to him, resting his one hand on his hips, slowly drawing circles on it with his thumb.