Spade (MxM)

Chapter 112

Nate

I drove home from work, my mind spiralling in different directions, I didn't know which was on my mind the more, work or my conversation with Spade earlier on.
I don't even know why I didn't call him, it wasn't like I was waiting for him to call me but, I didn't think calling him was okay, he might be busy or maybe not in the mood to talk.

Infact I hadn't really spoken much with him since the last time Matteo walked in on us both in the makeshift office, that experience was still as embarrassing as ever, I remembered the conversation Matteo and I had in the car when he drove me to the site he wanted me to survey.

He asked if I had talked to Spade after our last discussion and I told him yes, I couldn't help but notice the tease in his voice when he talked about seeing proof already.

He didn't really say much on the topic, but I knew he was only doing that so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable around him and I was grateful for that.
I didn't think I wanted to discuss my make out session with the brother of the man I was dating.

The man I was dating, that sounded a bit sweet and left a fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I still had one worry, actually two worries.

One of them being the sudden distance between Spade and I, I'd been to the club since that day but I rarely even had more than 2 seconds with him, he was either in a meeting with his men, or he was going out while I was coming in.

I didn't want to think too much about it but I couldn't just ignore the small insecurity in my head, swirling with doubts and words that was probably making me second guess our whole relationship thing.

I didn't really understand how this whole relationship thing worked but I was sure staying away from each other for this long, especially in the beginning wasn't really ideal.
There was still a lot about Spade I needed to know, and vice versa.

I didn't have any idea the kind of person he was, asides the nice and calm personality he showed me, and let's not forget I'd seen him brutal too.
Don't get me wrong, Spade was soft and gentle whenever he was with me, it was almost as if the ruthless man everyone knew him for had disappeared whenever we were together and I liked it.

But I needed to know more, the things he liked, what we were supposed do in the relationship, I sighed out as I entered into my apartment, dropping my keys on the table, just close to my laptop.

I walked into my bedroom and took off my clothes, I needed to shower, rest a bit and go to the club, hopefully I'd catch a glimpse of Spade, or if I'm lucky we'd spend sometime together.

I wouldn't lie, spending time with Spade was much more relaxing than I'd imagined, I liked spending time with him, even though we've only done that a few times, and all of them ended up in us making out intensely.

My face heat up and my heart skipped a beat when I remembered how we'd been together, for so long I stopped myself from feeling anything for anyone, to the point that I didn't even know if I was capable of feeling that way.

Especially when the voice of that man invaded my head, telling me things that broke my spirit, stopping me from feeling, from letting people in.
He always used to tell me that I would never find someone that would want me, always called me a damaged goods, whenever I tried to be stubborn he'd threaten me, threaten Su and my mom.

I could never talk to anyone about what he did to me, because he said no one would believe me, not even Su, my father would kill me or even throw me out if I ever told him.
I wonder what he would even think now that I was with Spade.

Would he approve of my relationship with Spade, or would he call me disgusting, look at me with pure rage and anger.
I didn't want to think about it at all, because the more I did, the more I lost myself in the thoughts.