Spade (MxM)

Chapter 148

Nate didn't want to tell Spade what was happening with him, it wasn't really a good idea, at least for now he would keep it a secret.
He looked at Spade, seeing the hard look he was giving him, Nate just sighed out and shook his head
"I'm fine, nothing's wrong" he whispered, hearing the way Spade growled out lowly, the sound rumbling through the whole office, he would have been scared if Spade wasn't his boyfriend, but lucky for him, the man was his boyfriend, so he knew he wasn't really angry, just frustrated at the fact that Nate was lying to him.

"I don't believe you, for some goddamn reason I don't believe you" Spade said looking at Nate intently "I hope you're not trying to break up with me or ask for space like the last time, because this was exactly how you were acting prior to you suddenly wanting space then" Spade said, looking at Nate quizzically.
"I don't know what's going on with you but if you try to leave me again, I don't care if I have to tie you down to the bedpost but you're not going anywhere, not this time" Spade muttered almost as if he was warning Nate that he would do anything to keep him by his side.

This only made Nate's head to hurt as he thought about it.
If Spade knew of the reason why he was acting like this, he'd probably even push him away himself.

He almost laughed at his own misery, he sighed out deeply before he wrapped his hands around Spade's neck, trying to soothe the man and sell the lie he was about to give

But he didn't think of it as an absolute lie, it felt more like him omitting details about what happened
"I'm fine Gio, and no I'm not trying to ask for a break or space, I'm just kind of stressed from work, my head hurts" he lied through his teeth, but he almost sighed out in relief when he saw Spade's posture relax as his face relaxed too.

He started drawing circles on Nate's exposed hip with his fingers, Nate couldn't even react to what Spade was doing to him because guilt was eating at him.

He was piling up secrets and he knew they would come back to bite him later.
"Maybe you should rest, take a quick nap on the couch okay" Spade suggested and Nate just sighed out and nodded
"Yeah"? He asked

"Yeah" he whispered back before he got up and walked around the table and gently laid down on the couch in Spade's office, even though he knew he wouldn't be able to get a wink of sleep

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep but it was fucking hard, not because he could feel Spade's stare on him, but because he was thinking, he was going crazy by the second.

The longer he thought about it, the harder it became to get out of his head.
Maybe he shouldn't have even agreed to date Spade in the first place, because now he was about to be used against Spade, even though he didn't really know to what extent whatever he was asked to do would affect Spade.

Maybe Spade was right and feelings were a weakness, he sighed out discreetly as he tried to sleep but it was proving fucking hard.
Everytime he closed his eyes, his father's words would ring through his mind, making him open them again

He just wanted a peaceful life, was that too much to ask for?
He didn't want to have to worry everytime like this, always looking over his shoulder.
Everytime he thought his life was going smoothly, something would come along and knock it off.

His life was the worst life anyone could have, he had the worst luck ever.
Nothing in his life was ever simple, he had learnt that now.
He wanted to look at Spade again, to see his face, maybe that would give him the courage he needed or the momentary feeling of peace.

Or maybe it would make him feel less guilty for what he was asked to do, and what he was sure he would do in the next 24 hours.
He wanted just a little bit of something to justify his actions, but Spade being so gentle around him and acting so sweet and caring wasn't even helping.