On His Roster (Aviación #1) Completed

90

Loses

Parang ayaw pa ni mama na lumabas kami ng kwarto kasi nga kailangan daw na magpahinga ni Deuce. Nakakapagod nga naman ang byahe at ilang oras din yun tapos galing pa siya ng trabaho. Halos ilang araw na rin siyang nasa eroplano kung bibilangin ang mga oras.

"Do you want to break up with me that's why you're here?"

"No, i'm here because you miss me too much. I can't have you silently sulk for days like this," aliw niyang pinisil ang aking pisngi at naupo na rin sa kama katabi ko.

"What about your work?"

"Everyone knows that i also lost a child, Av. I need you and you also need me so i think its just right for me to follow you here instead of waiting and worrying about you,"

"But you don't have to skip your work especially now that you're aiming for the captaincy,"

"Work can wait...the mother of my child can't. I know what my priorities are and what I'm doing right now is prioritizing you over everything else,"

Hindi ko kayang tagalan ang pagtitig sa kaniyang mga mata pero hindi ko rin kayang gumalaw para umiwas. I stiffened because of what he just said to me. I know he acknowledged me as a mother to his lost child and it should make me feel depressed remembering that we lost our baby but having him here now is more than enough for me.

Niyakap ko nalang siya at sinandal ang katawan sa kaniyang dibdib. Our backs leaned on the wooden headboard. Hinayaan niya akong mayakap siya ng mahigpit. Kaniyang braso naman ay nakapalibot sa aking katawan.

"I'm sorry for putting you through such pain," bulong niya. Hindi ako nakasagot at tanging paghinga lang naming dalawa ang aming naririnig.

Masakit naman talaga sa akin ang lahat. Gabi gabi pa rin ako naiiyak at walang araw na hindi ko napapanaginipan ang pagkawala ng anak namin.

"You hate me,"

Umiling ako at mas dumikit pa sa kaniyang dibdib. "I know you're hurting too. We are both hurting because we don't want it to happen,"

"I want the pregnancy to happen," he sighed. Naalarma naman ako nang mapansin na baka inisip niyang hindi ko naman gustong mabuntis.

"I do, too." ulit ko para malinaw ang lahat.

Kitang kita ko ang gulat sa kaniyang reaction. Hindi inaasahan na marinig iyon mula sa akin kasi kahit noon namang bago pa kami ay malinaw sa usapan na ayaw kong mabuntis.

"Really?"

I nodded. "I don't want to lose our child,"

Ngayon naman siya ang napahinga ng malalim at hinila ako palapit sa kaniyang katawan. Tahimik at seryoso kaming nagyakapan sa kama. Iniisip ang aming namatay na anak.

Siguro iniisip din niya na ayaw ko na magkaroon ng anak. Nakakapanibago ang marinig na iba na ang aking sinasabi ngayon, ibang iba sa paniniwala ko noon.

"Do you think it's a boy?" wala sa sarili kong tanong.

"Our baby?"

"Yeah," i pursed my lip and waited for him to continue.

"You want it to be a boy?"

"I don't know,"

"I want it to be a boy," he answered.

Nilingon ko siya at napangiti saglit habang iniiisp ang possibility na baka lalake nga ang anak namin.

"It's a boy then,"

Nagtaas siya ng kilay at seryosong pinapanood ang aking reaction. "Our first baby was a boy and maybe he had decided to go to heaven first so that he can protect and guide his siblings while they're living here in earth,"