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Cycle


Every time I find myself in a difficult circumstance, facing tough questions, or isolated, it seems like my natural instinct is to have sex. It's as though I have to ignore it, like it's an excuse to take my attention somewhere. Hope it would work, using sex as a means of self-defense to save myself. Sex to safeguard me. It's a lot more about feeling happier only after having sex.

I wondered what would make him dislike me even more now that he saw me in such a bad light. Nothing. He despises me so much that he already has an image of me in his head. Perhaps I did it to keep him from harming me and to stop him from saying anything more. I moved in closer, starting to kiss him.

"Mmh, now what happens if our colleagues see you doing something like that huh?" He rolls his eyes amusingly, as if he's mocking me for wanting him so much. I soon feel his lips on mine once more.

"You said they've all been here done this so this shouldn't be a shock to them and they're all tired and asleep,"

He chuckle, "We shouldn't." He's basically trying me to see what I'll do and how much I can risk for this.

"We shouldn't."

I try to control my emotions and appear clever, but there's an underneath sadness that wants to emerge while I giggle in between kisses. "Then stop hurting me,"

"What changed?" Before we can continue kissing, he asks. He is discussing why, after attempting to keep him a secret for so long, I am now speaking out and being upfront about us in public.

We both continue to kiss as I challenge him, "You answer that first." I wanna know why he changed his mind and decided to end things with me when in fact i am already decided and sure about it.

It's fun and thrilling at first when we kiss. At some point, when he plants a kiss on my neck, everything changes.

"Your girls will hate me even more now if they'll see you're enjoying this so much,"

He kisses my neck, reassuring me that "No one is looking." I could feel how strong he is as he palmed my hand and guided it until it reached his jeans. His hand sought for mine. With my palm on my chest.

"I thought you wanted me to undress here," and I persuaded him to play with me instead. "You can undress me if you want,"

"And what? Have them savored what's mine?" he growled, and as his grip tightened, I let out another wailing.

I stiffened when a foreign word left his mouth. After a month of his silence it's enchanting to hear something like this from his mouth.

"Yours?"

He didn't respond to me; instead, he just kept using more force to torture me. And now he's claiming to be my owner? I assumed he had made a decision to get rid of me?

"If you badly want to dispose me you should have settled things properly and not confuse me. How long should i have to wait for you to give me a chance...just a little bit of your time? It's unfair to leave things like that, Deuce. Leaving me on a position where i don't know where to stand,"

"Say that to your dumb Carlos then," he gritted.

He said it as if i am the only one who's entertaining other people. No matter how i am bothered by the idea of him hanging out with Andrea i tried so hard to stop my self from mentioning about it.

"Is it just fair to settle things before you leave? Like leave a note at least? An instruction manual on how to satisfy myself without you, you could have at least have an initiative to do that."

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