50 Shades of Pain ✅

Chapter 81: I need you, please.....

"I need you, please...."

Chase takes a deep breath as his eyes don't leave the man that was standing before him. He almost wanted to look away, not wanting to share the storm that was alive by those simple four words.

He had been in the same shoes last year. He had been desperate for love and re-connection from somewhere. He had asked for the same thing from Alex when the roles were reversed. He remembered the conversation they had, and how Alex tried to offer the right advice - in wanting Chase to do the right thing to move forward. He felt as though he should repeat those words. He didn't want to just give in to the pleas and regret it later.

Then again, admittedly, he had no regrets on the approach he had taken. He clearly remembered stopping at Ryan's house and rekindling with him that night. He remembered the conversation the next morning - no regrets. It had turned into being a great thing, in resulting in what they had now with the perfect three-some of friends enjoying each other. What if this was another road to creating a new batch of special memories?

"Chase, please..." Alex pleas break through his thoughts, only causing the storm to swirl that much more. He feels a squeeze of his hands, those soft lips within inches of his own. "I need you, please..." 

"Do you remember what you told me when I asked you for the same thin-" Chase starts, as Alex begins shaking his head no immediately in desperation, tears threatening to fall. He almost wanted to curse himself for saying those words then. With the shoe on the other foot, he knew what he should've done that night instead.

"Please don't go through with this because of what I did to you. I never meant to hurt you with what I said. I was just trying to help you. I get it now, Chase. I've gone through what you went through. It hurts. It's so much that I cannot figure out how to deal with it some days. I get why you wanted that escape, why you needed that reminder. You got that from Ryan. I want that from you." It was almost a stab in the chest for Chase in hearing the reminder that he had gone to Ryan that night only because Alex initially denied him. Even though things had turned out great now, and nobody looked back with regrets, it was still a betrayal. It was still something he promised he'd never do to Alex because of what he had gone through while with Kaitlyn, post-Kaitlyn, and initially before with Ryan.

"I still can't believe you weren't mad at me that night when I told you. Wait - you were mad. I remember the pure anger that you told me afterwards. I remember the argument we had." Alex wished he could have bit his tongue, not reminded him of the events and just went for the kiss. Perhaps a kiss and a tender touch, and Chase would've forgotten everything else and gave in. Instead, they were having a conversation about feelings - opposite to what Alex wanted to think about. How was this an escape from what happened? 

"I was angry at first, okay? I was angry because I felt betrayed and hurt when you told me. But fuck, I forgave you and I understood as we moved forward because I realized what you were going through. I now understand that more than ever, Chase! I've been through that. I get it, okay? It doesn't bother me anymore, nor has it bothered me since I got it out of my system that night. I love you and I love Ryan. I love both of you with my whole damn heart." 

Alex feels his breath quicken, panic taking over thanks to the anxiety of the discussion. He felt every worry crashing into him. He could already see the argument going further, the disagreement over what to do creating a divide between them as it had before. He could already see Chase leaving, possibly with his truck and it was a feeling he never wanted to know or experience. He knew it'd be worse than anything he had gone through at her hands. Why was he doing this to him right now? 

"Breathe...." Chase says, noticing the look on Alex's face immediately, eyes focusing down on their hands together. He gives Alex's a squeeze, before looking back up into his eyes. "Breathe...Count to 10. Just focus on deep breathes. It's okay..." 

"I don't want to talk about it," Alex stammers over his words, trying to focus on Chase and the words he was being told, but the thoughts mixing all together in his mind. "I don't want to remind myself of that. I spent a night crying because of that. I am already dealing with enough. I can't....I can't take the thought of....losing...you..." Alex tries to take a deep breath, feeling as though unable to.. "I can't lose you, Chase." 

"I'm not going anywhere, Alex. I promise you no matter what, I've got you..." Chase wraps both arms around Alex, pulling him right against him, tightening his grasp as much as he could around his body. "I couldn't bare the thought of ever leaving you. I love you too damn much." 

"Don't let me go, please. Just don't let me go. I need you. I need you more than ever. I can't do this without you..." Chase nods his head, accepting, not breaking the grasp as much as he wanted to look into the eyes of Alex to see if he was okay.

"I'll hold you as long as you need me too. I will do whatever it takes for you." Chase takes a shaky breath, his own tears reaching the surface. "Fuck, I should've protected you better. I should've made sure she couldn't had gotten to you. I should've stopped her. I should've got her away from you. I should've let her do it to me instead." 

A couple more shaky breathes, and the tears rolled down their cheeks as they both stood there by the waterfall, arms wrapped tightly around each other, not wanting to move a single inch.