Never Mind | #yoonmin

42

The waitress has been talking to me for a while already, but I lost my ability to pay attention. She's probably just trying to keep me from falling asleep right here at the bar. A large glass of water has appeared in my hand and I suddenly notice I'm drinking from it. How long have I been here? I try to find a clock, but I don't see one anywhere. I just see the old guys in the back of the bar, staring at me, one by one.

A hand suddenly appears on my shoulder and I assume it's someone who came to drag me out of the bar. The waitress probably called someone to remove me. I turn around and see... a familiar face? A beautiful face. I look at the man for a moment and squint my eyes.

"No... Nah. That's not you. Who are you? Why do you look like... Jimin?"

"Yoongi..." His voice is even similar to his. My hand reaches to his cheek and I poke it gently with one finger.

"What are you doing? It's me."

"Nah. Jimin wouldn't come here." I chuckle and retract my hand.

He grabs my arm and pulls it gently. I try to fix my blurry vision and let my eyes glide over the man slowly. His little hand, a Lachimolala T-shirt under his white jacket, plump lips, rosy cheeks, blonde hair... Fuck. It really is him?

"J-Jimin-ie..?"

"Yeah, it's me, hyung."

"H-how..."

"Come, let's get you home." He says quietly.

"Home?" I tilt my head. What is home? The word doesn't remind me of my apartment. "What do you mean, home? You are my home, Jimin-ie... You were my home... Where were you? Where have you been?" I feel words flow out of my mouth as if they've been waiting on the tip of my tongue for this exact moment for a while already.

"Hyung, come... let's go." He pulls my arm again, but I stay seated.

"Where the fuck have you been? Huh?" I jerk my arm out of his grip and a rush of heat flows over my body, but I don't feel warm at all. I feel cold, angry, sad. All the emotions I've been trying to drown with the alcohol come to the surface, hungry for oxygen.

"We should lea—"

"Where the FUCK have you been?!" The sudden raised volume of my own voice startles me, but it feels too good to lower it. "You just left me! You LEFT me!! WHY?!" I growl at him. I try to see the expression on his face, but I can't. Why can't I see anything? I grab his jacket and feel hot tears run down my face.

"Why would you do that?! You left me... Why did you leave me, Jimin-ie... How could you do that? We were... We were so good..." I pull him closer and let my head drop to his chest. His warm chest.

"You promised me... You p-promised I wouldn't l-lose you..." My voice falters from crying. The cries I've been holding back deep inside, waiting patiently for a moment to finally be released. Not just a few lonely tears, not just a snuffle, but a broken cry. A desperate cry for help, it's all pouring out.

"You promised..."

"Hyung... I... I'm sorry..." His arms appear around me and hold me tightly. His touch makes me cry even louder, it makes me realise that I've wanted nothing more than this. Just to be where he is, to be held by him. I want nothing more but to hear his voice to tell me everything is going to be okay.

"Everything is going to be okay." He whispers. Like a magic spell my cries slowly quiet down. I notice I'm still holding onto his jacket tightly, so I soften my grip and look up at him. Finally I can see him more clearly, his cheeks are wet and his eyes are red. An instant pain in my heart makes me realise that I have made him cry. It's again all my fault.

"Jimin-ie, I'm sorry, I'm such a fucking jerk. I only cause problems in your life." I reach up and wipe his tears with my thumbs. "I'll stay away from you, you don't have to cry because of me ever again."

"What? No, I don't want that. I... I just... Fuck." He grabs my cheeks as well to wipe my tears. His soft hands feel like roses tickling my skin. "I never... I..." He gently lets his forehead rest against mine and my hands slide down to wrap them around his waist inside his jacket. The warmth inside feels dangerously comforting.

"If you don't tell me to stay away now I'll never let you go." I whisper.

"Then never let me go." He replies immediately, making my heart flutter. For a moment the alcohol, anger and tears disappear. I pull my head back so I can look up into his watery eyes. I try to think of ways to undo all the pain I've ever caused him, but my mind is too consumed with how I want to hold onto him and drown in his eyes.

"We should get out of here." He murmurs with a smile full sorrow as his eyes quickly jump to the waitress.

The gentle curves the car makes calm me down more and more while I look at Jimin. He looks beyond beautiful. It has gotten dark out meanwhile and the lights from the streets dance over his face. He peeks at me every now and then and squeezes my hand. It feels too good to be true. How did this day turn around like this? Why am I in the silver car with this angel? Actually... that is an excellent question.

"Jimin-ie? How did you find me?"

Jimin laughs and my heart melts at the sound. "Right... Well, Tae told me where you were."

"Taehyung??"

"Yeah, he said Namjoon called him. Namjoon isn't in Seoul today and he didn't have my number, so he asked Tae to call me. He said Namjoon didn't think anyone could console you but me..."

"Oh... Smart Nammie. I'm surprised Taehyung actually told you where I was though, he could have easily let me rot in that bar."

"Tae is not that evil," Jimin chuckles, "he knows how much I care about you. When he told me what happened to you today... I immediately went out to get you." He throws me a quick look with a soft smile. I feel like I don't deserve his smile. He had to come get my drunk ass out of some random bar and listen to me yell and cry. He's way too good for me.

"Is this really happening? Am I in your car now? I think I'm still quite drunk."

"Mmm, it's real, hyung. I'm sorry it took me so long. I had to be selfish for a little while."

"Why?" I know this simple question might not have a simple answer, but I have to ask anyway.

Jimin takes a deep breath, but he stays quiet. I wish I could ask him again, until I get an answer, but I can tell he doesn't want to talk about it now so I accept the silence between us. I'll have to try again some other day, I desperately want to know what it was that made him break all contact with me.

I sigh and turn my head to focus on the road in front of us. The sound of the car is like white noise, silencing the world around us. The car has become our little bubble where nothing else exists but our own bodies, memories and thoughts, but his thoughts are unreachable. He has his own little bubble. I wish I could just break it.

I turn to look at Jimin again and point my finger to his ear.

"What are you doing?" Jimin asks while side-eyeing my hand.

"Breaking the bubble." I murmur and poke my finger in his ear.

"Ah! Stop!" He giggles while bringing his shoulder to his ear to protect his bubble, but I keep poking. "Hyung! Whyy!" Jimin continues to giggle and tries to slap my hand away. "That tickles! Stoooop!"

"That's not the right word."

"What? Ah! Stop! I have to focus on driving!"

"You have to say the right word!" I start laughing and keep poking his cute little ear while enjoying his adorable giggles way too much. I've missed feeling this soft warmth inside my heart.

"Stop!! Monkey!!"

"There you go. That's the right word." I retract my hand with a smug smirk on my face. I can't hear his thoughts, but I can at least force them into the direction I want to. I watch his giggles die out and he licks his lips while shifting in his seat, making me assume I succeeded in making the right memories surface in his mind.