Never Mind | #yoonmin

17

My favourite room is empty when I return to it and I huff at myself for secretly hoping Jimin might have waited for me here. I gather my things as I try to gather my thoughts about what happened here not too long ago. Did I really almost kiss Jimin? And was he really not going to stop me? I feel the adrenaline in my body, like a teenager who just heard their crush likes them too. My stomach tickles and I have a dorky smile on my face.

I really shouldn't be getting too excited though, even if Jimin likes me as well, it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be my little boy toy. Even though it totally seemed like he was asking those questions with that intention. I keep my pack of cigarettes in my hand as I'm going to need it as soon as I step outside of the building anyway.

The air outside feels moist. Korean summers were never my favourite, but tonight the hot, thick air seems to be in line with my mood. I light up my cigarette and stay close to the cigarette pole before going to my car. I look up at the sky which has started turning into a dark blue, but it hasn't reached its darkest moment yet. I told Jimin I'd call him. What do I say? My phone starts buzzing in my pocket and I impatiently take it out. Hoseok.

"Hey Hobi." I say before sharply exhaling some smoke.

"Yoongs, I hear you're smoking. Does that mean you're done with work?" This guy is too observant.

"Yes." I inhale for a fresh batch of smoke. "Why?"

"I'm not too far from JinHit, let's grab something to eat together?"

"Oh, sure. Same place as last time?" I eagerly accept Hoseok's offer, meaning I can postpone my call to Jimin for a bit longer. It's not that I don't want to call him, but for some reason I just want to postpone it for a bit more. I always postpone phone calls. Hoseok agrees to the location and we end the call. I start walking to the restaurant, it's so nearby I can just leave my car here. We'll probably drink so I can't drive afterwards anyway.

The food is laid out on the table and we eagerly let our chopsticks dance around the dishes as we take bites from everything. I didn't realise how hungry I'd gotten. Recording days don't only dehydrate me but also barely leave any time for a good meal.

"So, did it go well with Jimin and Jungkook today?" Hoseok asks while chewing on some kimchi.

"Yeah... the recording went really well, but ehh..." I pause from eating for a moment and put my chopsticks down on the table.

"But?"

"So... the thing is Hobi, I ehh..." I lower the volume of my voice. "I almost kissed him today."

"What?! Jimin? How? When? Why?"

"After we wrapped up he came to my dressing room and he started asking me questions about my flings... He grabbed my ass, Hobi. Full on. I couldn't hold back anymore." Saying those words out loud makes me re-live the feeling in my chest all over again.

"Whoa! But, you said you almost kissed him?"

"Mmm. Jisoo walked in, just perfect timing... I had to go talk to some people and told Jimin I'd call him. I don't even know what to say to him, I just know I want to see him. Desperately. What do I do Hobi?" I nervously tap my fingers on the table and hear Hoseok chuckle.

"Oh man, you're in deep bro."

"I knooow..." I whine and fill our soju glasses before emptying them right away.

"But then just call him and tell him that. That you want to see him." Hoseok fills our glasses again, as if he noticed I'm in need of some liquid courage. We cheers and drink.

"You make it sound so simple."

"Maybe it is that simple. Just call him now, and if he doesn't want to see you we'll go to the bar next door and get drunk, alright?"

"I don't know..." I grab my chopsticks again and start playing with some mushrooms.

"Yoongs, I haven't seen you like this in a long time. What's up man? You like him that much?" He looks at me with a frown. I take a moment to think about it. Do I like him that much that I became this insecure mess, too anxious to even call him?

"Maybe the difference is that we're friends. I don't hook up with friends. I would hate it if this would ruin our friendship."

"Mmm. That makes sense. But you should really call him, maybe when you talk with him you realise you both just want to remain friends, but it's worse to just keep guessing."

"That's true... Argh!" I stab one of the mushrooms with my chopsticks.

"Yaa, what did that mushroom do to you? Go on! Go outside and call him before any more murders take place here!"

Outside the restaurant I decide to light up a cigarette first. I wish I could still feel lightheaded from smoking, I really want the anxiety in my body to be forgotten for a brief moment while I call Jimin. Back when I just started smoking I misused it a lot to help me with my social anxiety. I'd just smoke a cigarette or two and I'd suddenly feel a bit like I was a different, more confident person. It would feel kind of like I was observing myself, like with the mirror. It functioned quite well as an alternative for day-time drinking. People would have called me an alcoholic if I would have done that, but with smoking it wasn't a problem. Not even my parents said anything about it, I had already moved out by then anyway.

After a couple large drags I quickly grab my phone and call Jimin before I change my mind. It takes a while before he picks up.

"Hyung!" His sweet voice makes me smile. It sounds like he's in a crowded place.

"Hey Jimin-ie. I ehh... I promised I'd call you."

"Ah yeah." He sounds quite nonchalant and distracted. I'm almost regretting this phone call already.

"Is it not a good time to call now?"

"Oh, it's... it's okay, I'm just out with Tae."

"Ah. I can call you later." I offer and prepare to just hang up in embarrassment.

"No, just come here."

"W-what? To you and Taehyung?" I wonder if that wouldn't be super awkward, I don't think Taehyung likes me. I can hear Taehyung mumble something, but it's unclear through the phone.

"Ehh, yeah, we're just drinking something not too far. I'll send you the address. Come."

And he hangs up, just like that. Is he trying to friend-zone me by having a friendly drink with him and his bestie? Jimin immediately messages me the address of the restaurant, which is indeed not too far, just a couple metro stops. I finish my cigarette and walk back into the restaurant.

"So?" Hoseok looks at me with full anticipation.

"He ehh... invited me to a bar where he's now with his friend." I sit down with a frown. "Isn't that kind of weird?"

"Hmm... Kind of. Or it's cute, like he really can't wait to see you so he just invited you right away." Hoseok winks at me.

"You're so good at being positive, Hobi. Teach me." I chuckle.